My Brutal Honesty Has Cost Me Many Friends But I Don’t Regret It

There have been a few people who’ve gotten the title of “BFF” in my life, but sometimes those friendships ended up crumbling — and it was probably my fault for being too honest. That being said, I have no regrets. Here’s why I’d rather be honest in all of my relationships, especially friendships.

I refuse to coddle grown adults.

It’s important to consider other people’s feelings, but it’s also important not to cover up the truth in order to spare them. The world can be a tough place sometimes, sure, but it’s time for everyone to grow up and realize that sometimes being an adult consists of growing a backbone and accepting flaws. Nobody’s perfect, and I’m not expecting them to be.

Everyone has to face the truth sometimes.

One time, a friend got upset with me because she asked my opinion on a dress and I admitted that I didn’t like it. It’s not that she’s not gorgeous, it was just a poor fit. When someone asks for your opinion but only expects compliments, they’re bound to face a lot of disappointment in life. People need to realize that honesty doesn’t mean you’re putting them down. If you only expect to hear the good, don’t bother asking me for my opinion if you’re not going to like what it is.

My opinion is still valid.

And that’s all it is — an opinion. If I tell someone that they look amazing in navy blue but red washes them out, that’s just what I think from an outside perspective. They can choose to listen to that or not, but holding grudges since I didn’t say “every color looks great on you” is just childish.

I’d rather they hear it from me than someone else.

As a friend, I hope they know I’m looking out for them. Other people may be downright cruel. So yes, I’ll always tell you if you obviously have to blow your nose or if your bra is peeking out of your shirt before a lunch meeting with your boss. It can be uncomfortable sometimes, but I consider it to be an act of love. A real friend should always know that I’ve got their back.

It’s even worse if a friend is in a terrible relationship.

I am really good at reading people, and time after time, I’ve witnessed red flags from boyfriends brought into the friend circle. Instead of letting things escalate, I tell my friend right off the bat why this guy isn’t good for her. I’m usually right, but it’s a situation where honesty kind of tampers with the friendship a little bit.

I’d rather tell them that I think they’re in a dangerous situation than avoid the conversation since it’s “uncomfortable.”

I’m all about giving these guys a shot, but if they give off any hints that they’re verbally (or otherwise) abusive, I just don’t have time for that and neither does my friend. So, when they ask me “what do you think of Mark?” I’ll be the one to openly say that he left a poor first impression. They think I’m trying to “ruin their happiness,” while I’m just trying to get them away from angry or predatory people. I’d hope they’d do the same for me.

It’s also bad with my creative friends.

Look, not everyone is going to dig the stuff I write. I don’t want pats on the back even if something just doesn’t interest them. I’d rather hear opinions and have a well-thought-out discussion than just hear “it’s great!” I work hard and so do my friends, so if I think something could be improved, I’d rather tell them than write off everything they’ve done. If it’s just not my style but still good, I’ll say something like “This isn’t up my alley, but I really think it’d appeal to a lot of people.” Part of creativity is always improving, right?

In the end, I’m around people who both trust me as I trust them.

I wasn’t put on this planet just to make people feel good. I’d never put anyone down on purpose, but I also don’t want to be an enabler or just surround myself with “yes” people. My self-esteem doesn’t need it. I’d rather have a friend openly tell me that I can’t pull off a hat than look at the photos of the night and regret my fashion decision. The more honest you are, the more people will be able to trust your opinion. They’ll know you’re actually listening to them, and be able to offer valid input on their situation. To me, that’s way more valuable than a friendship that can’t survive without constant praise.

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