When we have a gut reaction to a person or situation, it often means that our body knows something that our mind doesn’t yet. Instinct kicks in, but that doesn’t explain why we sometimes feel relief when our partner’s not around. We’re all human. We don’t need to know why, we must only be kind to ourselves. To that end, here are a few reasons why you’re happier when you’re boyfriend’s not around, and why that’s normal.
- You feel less pressure. There’s no point pretending that any relationship is free from pressures of one kind or another. It’s important to know that, just because you feel stressed or anxious, you aren’t a bad person. We all need some time away so that we can refresh and replenish emotional reserves. You need there to be stakes and a sense of importance in the relationship, but you have to be able to let go every now and then. Even the perfect relationship has pressure. If you’re happier away from that pressure, that’s perfectly common.
- You love your friends more. Who here can say that they don’t value their friendship as one of the most important relationships in their lives? I hate nothing more than friends who get a partner and immediately drop their best friends like they’re nothing. It’s depressing because it makes you feel like you aren’t worth their time. This is why you might well be happier with your friends than with your partner. Who wouldn’t be? They’ve seen us through all our gawky, gangly stages of life and love us even more for it. Who knows loyalty like that? Happiness isn’t only found in your relationship, and friends will remind you of that.
- You find fulfillment elsewhere. Building off the last point, you shouldn’t live your whole life through one person. We should never put all our eggs in one emotional basket, and that’s a reason why you might be happier without your partner for some periods. Your sense of accomplishment and progress might come from work. Or hobbies. Or sport – not just in whatever stage of the relationship you’re in. That’s healthy. It’s brutal, but you have different priorities.
- You feel less judged. The other reasons relate to healthy responses in the relationship, but this speaks to a flaw in the relationship. If you feel judged and ridiculed in your relationship, it’s natural to feel more comfortable away from them. It doesn’t mean that your relationship is on its red-letter day, but it does mean that things have to change. This is the time to communicate what you need and to tell your partner that they’re making you upset. To be honest, if you don’t feel like you can make mistakes together, you can’t grow together. And that’s just a waste of everyone’s time. If you aren’t communicating with your partner, you’re settling. If not them, who are you being vulnerable with?
- You can be comfortable. This means many things. You might feel happier if you can do something as simple as taking your hair down, eating ice cream, or putting your sweatpants on. You don’t have to fear what anyone else thinks. You’re valid just as you are. You don’t waste time worrying, and that makes it so much easier to be happier. Think about why you don’t feel comfortable with your partner. Unpack that.
- You have time to think. Everyone needs time to think. To distill your thoughts. To own your feelings, and to know what you want going forward. Sometimes that isn’t possible with your partner around constantly, even if you love them dearly.
- Distance makes the heart grow fonder. This is pretty self-explanatory. It makes us feel less claustrophobic and we can understand our feelings more when we’re alone.
- Embrace your own hobbies. You might only feel like you can take time for yourself when your partner isn’t there. Maybe you just want to spend time when you’re with him, but the reality is that you want to prioritize yourself too. It’s a tricky balance to strike. You can do it.
There you are, a few brutally honest reasons why you’re happier when your boyfriend’s not around. Don’t blame yourself for having complex emotions, and don’t settle for someone that can’t make you happy.