Love isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s vulnerable, scary, and sometimes downright uncomfortable. If you’ve been hurt before or you’re just plain terrified of getting hurt, you might have built walls around your heart without even realising it. If love never seems to stick around, it could be because you’re unknowingly blocking it. Here are 16 signs that you’re putting up barriers to love, along with some friendly truths to help you break them down.
1. You Keep Saying You’re “Too Busy” for a Relationship
We all have hectic schedules, but if you’re always claiming you don’t have time for a relationship, it might not be just about your packed calendar. Sometimes, saying you’re “too busy” is your way of keeping new romances at a safe distance. The truth is, if you really wanted to, you’d make time.
2. Your List of Deal Breakers Is as Long as a CVS Receipt
Having standards is a good thing, but if your list of deal breakers reads like a grocery list, you might be setting yourself up to stay single. The truth is, when no one ever seems to measure up, it’s not always because they’re not good enough. Sometimes, it’s because you’re trying to find reasons to keep people at arm’s length.
3. You Compare Everyone New to Your Ex
If you’re constantly holding new people up against your ex, you’re not giving them a real shot. Maybe you’re still hung up on the good times you had with your ex, or maybe you’re using their flaws as an excuse to keep people away. Either way, comparing every potential partner to someone from your past is a surefire way to stay stuck.
4. You Treat Vulnerability Like It’s a Dirty Word
Letting someone in is scary—we get it. But if you’re always keeping things surface-level or avoiding deep conversations, you’re shutting down any possibility of real love. Vulnerability is where love happens; otherwise, you’re never letting anyone get close enough to see the real you.
5. You Always Have an Exit Strategy
Do you keep one foot out the door in every relationship, just in case things don’t go as planned? If you’re constantly planning your escape route, it’s a sign you’re more invested in protecting yourself than in diving headfirst into love. You can’t expect to build something real when you’re already halfway out.
6. You Can’t Accept a Compliment to Save Your Life
If you brush off compliments or laugh them off like they’re jokes, it’s a huge sign you’re not ready to let someone see your worth. Compliments aren’t just words—they’re someone’s way of saying, “I see you, and I appreciate you.” If you can’t let those words in, how will you ever let love in?
7. You’re Always on the Lookout for Red Flags
It’s good to be cautious, but if you’re turning even the tiniest quirks into icks, you’re using red flags as a way to keep people at a distance. Constantly searching for flaws probably means you’re more focused on protecting yourself than on getting to know someone.
8. You’re Drawn to People Who Can’t Commit
If you keep falling for people who aren’t emotionally available, it’s not a coincidence—it’s a choice. Choosing people who can’t fully commit is a sneaky way of protecting yourself from getting too close. After all, you can’t get your heart broken if they were never really in it to begin with, right?
9. You Think Love Is Just a Recipe for Heartache
If you’ve convinced yourself that love always ends in tears, you’re setting yourself up to stay single. When you believe that love is doomed from the start, you’re going to turn that mantra into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sure, love can be risky, but it can also be the best thing that ever happens to you.
10. You Sabotage Things When They Start Getting Real
Do you find yourself picking fights, getting distant, or pulling away the moment things get serious? That’s classic self-sabotage. It’s your fear of getting hurt doing the talking. If you keep pulling the plug before things get too real, you’ll never know how great love could actually be.
11. You Wear Your Independence Like a Badge of Honor
There’s nothing wrong with being independent, but if you’re using it as an excuse to keep people at a distance, it’s holding you back. Telling yourself (and everyone else) that you don’t need anyone might sound strong, but it’s really just another way to avoid getting close to someone who could actually matter.
12. You Keep Saying You’re Just “Not Ready” for Love
If you’ve been saying for years that you’re not ready for a relationship, it might be worth asking if that’s really true. Are you truly not ready, or are you just afraid to let someone in? Waiting for the “perfect time” to fall in love is just a way to avoid getting hurt. When it comes to love, there is no perfect time.
13. You’re Always Talking Yourself Out of Love
If your inner dialogue about love is full of negative thoughts like, “Love never works out,” or “Relationships are too much trouble,” you’re closing the door before it even has a chance to open. Those thoughts aren’t just in your head—they have the power to shape how you act, and how you act shapes your reality.
14. You Think You Need to Be Perfect Before You Can Be Loved
Do you feel like you need to have your whole life together before you’re worthy of a relationship? That’s just fear talking. You don’t need to be perfect to find love. In fact, it’s your imperfections that make you who you are. Someone out there will love you not in spite of your flaws but because of them.
15. You Go Out of Your Way to Prove You Don’t Need Love
If you’re constantly showing the world how great your life is without a partner, you might be overcompensating. Being single is great, but if you’re doing it just to avoid love’s messiness, you’re missing out. Love isn’t weak—in fact, it’s the opposite; it makes you brave enough to let someone see the real you.
16. You’re Waiting for Love to Magically Find You
Do you secretly hope that love will just fall into your lap one day? The harsh truth is, love doesn’t usually come knocking when you’re hiding behind a wall. It takes a bit of risk, a bit of courage, and a lot of putting yourself out there. If you’re sitting back waiting for it to happen without any effort, you’re closing the door on some amazing possibilities.
