In a completely joking conversation, I brought up doing “butt stuff” with my now ex-boyfriend. Over time, the jokes became more consistent and we both finally agreed to actually give it a try instead of just talking about it. I’d gone down that road before without success, but this relationship was a lot more involved and I felt more comfortable opening myself up to something new with him. End result? I actually LOVED it.
- It brought us to a whole new level of intimacy. Sex is intimate enough, but when it comes to anal sex, it’s on a completely different spectrum of closeness. I don’t even poop at a guys house until there’s been at least a few months of consistent sleepovers, so letting him get all up in my butt means he was someone really special. I have to completely trust my partner in order to even entertain the idea, but if that trust and love are there, it’s an incredible feeling.
- Why even consider it? The sensitivity of the area, of course! Between the butt and the vagina is the super sensitive area known as the perineum, and even if that’s not going to be the most stimulated, it’s a great start. Sure, it’s not your clitoris, but the nerves are still an untapped place that, once explored, will bring a bunch of different sensations I would never have otherwise experienced.
- It’s important to take a moment to prepare yourself… alone. I’d tried the butt thing a few times in previous relationships and it never went well. I really wanted to give it an honest effort, so I went at it alone the first few times. Any time I’d feel the need to get myself off, I’d incorporate a toy or a finger in that area to familiarize myself with it so it would be less of a shock. I knew it was going to feel different with another person and there would be less control on my end, but at least this way I wasn’t going in completely blind.
- I did a LOT of research on lube. No, really. I’m an overachiever anyway and even if this can be a complete turn off to the guy, I’m going to leave no stone unturned and make sure I know exactly what I’m getting into. I read up on lubricant and ways to make things go as smooth as possible, for lack of a better term. I felt a lot more comfortable once I knew I’d covered all of my bases.
- Timing is essential. Anal sex isn’t something that can always spontaneously happen. This sort of act will require some planning ahead of time. Some might think that takes the romance out of it, but I found it was better to be safe than sorry. The first step was making sure I’d pooped that day. There is no other way to put it—there was no way I was going to let him get up in that business unless I’d cleared my bowels. The insecurity of not doing that alone would completely kill the mood for me and I wanted this to be an enjoyable experience.
- Regardless of the circumstances, I had to focus on relaxing. I was super nervous but I knew that we wouldn’t get anywhere if I was tense. We set the mood with some wine and soft music. We took the time to ease into the act with a lot of foreplay and a lot of connecting with each other. Once I felt completely relaxed, I was actually really looking forward to doing it and the stress was completely on the backburner. It made the whole act a lot easier and I ended up enjoying it the entire time.
- For sanitary purposes, it’s important to keep it localized. As tempting as it may be to switch between the butt stuff and the typical vagina stuff, do not. Seriously. The vagina is so sensitive to an infection that no matter how much pleasure it may bring, it’s really not worth any sort of risk from a sanitary standpoint. Keep the focus on the butt and you’ll be good to go, and as unsexy as it may seem, wash up afterward. Honestly, that can be fun too, just get creative!
- There will be awkwardness and it’s pretty much unavoidable. Think about it. He will be putting himself inside of your butt. I had to laugh at just the thought of that, and no matter how intimate, romantic and relaxed we were, there were moments in which it was just plain awkward. We laughed through it and I think that actually made the moment a lot more special. We had to get through it together, weirdness and all, and it created a bond we hadn’t shared with anyone else before.
