When I decided to get on the real estate ladder by buying and remodeling my first house, I didn’t anticipate the feelings it would arouse about my relationship. Here’s how buying a home made me rethink having a partner.
I discovered how much I’ve changed.
Buying a house made me think about the fact that I’ve matured so much since I met my significant other. When we got together, I was really just a kid. Now, I bought and am remodeling an entire house. It’s a beautiful thing to grow up with your partner, but this all made me realize that maybe it was time for a change in my personal life too. It was scary to think about being by myself after so long, but I knew I had to follow my gut.
I saw that I still have some more growing up to do.
True, it might be a big step towards adulthood, but buying a house also made me uncover how much I still have to learn. I would rather be in a relationship when I’m comfortable dealing with everything that comes with being an adult. Unfortunately, the house showed me that some growth has to be done alone.
I recognized that we’re focused on different things.
Right now, my partner and I are hitting different kinds of milestones. Even though our accomplishments are equally important and significant, it’s hard to concentrate on myself when we’re in such independent places. It’s fine to be focused on different things, but I concluded that I needed a little bit of time to focus only on the things that are relevant to me.
Meeting my mortgage became more important.
My relationship means a lot to me, but I found out that bigger responsibilities like meeting my mortgage mean more right now. Working hard and focusing on getting completely financially stable is my number one priority at this time in my life. Prioritizing work over love is a painful choice, but sometimes a necessary one.
I couldn’t handle both responsibilities.
I came to the conclusion that remodeling an entire house was all I could focus on in the immediate future. Quite frankly, I saw that I didn’t have the energy for romance at this point, so I knew that I had to step away from my relationship. Plus, I knew it wasn’t fair to give my boyfriend less affection and attention than he deserves.
I found out that I didn’t want to share my finances.
I bought the house myself, but it made me think about how I’m not quite ready to make those kinds of decisions with a partner. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to remain independent, but finances are something that tend to get mixed together as relationships mature. I know now that I’m not ready to take that step with anyone in the near future. Maybe someday I will, but I’m not quite there yet.
I did the remodel by myself and I liked it.
The red flags started going up when I realized how much I enjoyed doing the renovations alone. If I was ready to commit to an adult partnership, maybe I wouldn’t have reveled in the solitude quite as much. A lot of people would love to remodel a house with their partner, but I knew that I was better off doing it by me and for me.
I didn’t want to compromise my vision.
Compromising is important in every aspect of a relationship. If I live with a romantic partner in the future, I know that I might have to make concessions when it comes to interior design and household organization. However, I found out that I’m not in a place in my life where I want to make those sacrifices and bargains. I enjoyed doing things the way I wanted to do them without anyone else’s input.
I thought about how many other things I want to do alone.
At the end of the day, I knew that it couldn’t all be just about the house. When I looked deep down within myself, I discovered that it was really all about craving independence. I knew that the best thing to do was to think of my feelings about buying the house as a lesson and take some time to be single. The house showed me that I’m secure in my identity, so this time being single isn’t going to be about finding myself. Instead, it’s going to be about growing even more into the person I’m meant to be.
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