When an ex calls back and leaves a message asking for another chance, it’s really tempting to leap at the opportunity to get back together — even if we know he’s terrible for us and that we broke up for a reason. Obviously, this is usually a terrible idea. Before you pick up the phone, ask yourself these questions. You might just find they offer a new perspective on an old relationship.
- Why were you with him in the first place? Many people change drastically during the course of a relationship. If the qualities you liked in him really haven’t been apparent lately, you’re best off staying far away.
- Why did you break up? Breakups don’t happen for no reason, you know. If he cheated on you, was abusive to you, or otherwise was a scumbag, you shouldn’t bother trying to get back in touch with him. In the long run, you’re better off without him.
- What did he contribute to your life? Aside from not being physically alone and being able to say you’re with someone, did he actually do anything to make your life better? If you can’t name 10 things he recently did for you that made you smile, you shouldn’t keep him in your life.
- Is it really worth it? Most likely, it’s not.
- Did he actually appreciate you? If a guy really appreciated you, he very likely wouldn’t have broken up with you to begin with. People don’t just unceremoniously toss out things they truly value.
- Were you legitimately happy in the last four months of the relationship? If every other day involved an argument, or if you just really weren’t feeling happy being with him, calling it off was the right thing to do. A healthy relationship isn’t one where you feel seriously bored, trapped, or miserable half the time. It is possible to find someone out there who won’t make you feel this way.
- Would your friends and family be disappointed in you for getting back with him? Hint: people who really care about you don’t want to see you with a jerk.
- How was he during the breakup? Sometimes, guys don’t actually show their true colors until you try to leave them. If he was a seriously horrible person to you during the breakup, or seriously hurt you while you got away from him, do not pick up the phone. This guy will only get worse the second time around.
- What would you accomplish by going back to him? Realistically, you wouldn’t accomplish much.
- What’s in it for him? People are selfish, and if someone from your past is crawling back to you for any reason, you have a right to be suspicious. If he’s going nowhere in life, and you’re now getting your act together, you might want to rethink that. If you’ve been his gravy train in the past, he might just be sorry he lost his sugar mama.
- Is he sorry, or sorry he got caught? This saying doesn’t only apply to cheating. If he seriously messed up things with you, he actually needs to be genuinely remorseful. If you have any reason to believe he’s not remorseful, don’t bother going back to him.
- What’s in it for you? Sure, it’d be nice not to be alone, but a guy should offer more than just companionship and lip service to his girlfriend. If you were the one doing most of the heavy lifting, you shouldn’t bother picking up the phone.
- Have you two broken up before? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, why the hell am I stupid enough to keep believing you?”
- Did he display any major dealbreakers? Did he lie to you? Was his anger scaring you? Was he obsessive and controlling? If so, he’s not worth calling back.
- Lastly, was he unwilling to listen to you until you broke up? It should never have to get to that point. If he didn’t work for the relationship while you two were together, giving him another chance is just not worth it.
