Call Me Petty, But I Can’t Trust You If You Won’t Put Our Relationship On Social Media

Social media isn’t real life and I get that, but it still means something. I don’t care if it seems petty — I want you to be clear that you’re in a relationship with me on Facebook. It might seem stupid, but here’s why it’s important to me:

  1. I’ve been down this road before. I once dated a guy who didn’t want to change his relationship status online. He made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal, so I went along with it. Turns out, it was just a way for him to do shady things, like flirt with women on social media and later cheat on me. Since that horrible experience, being with a guy who won’t change his relationship status is a dealbreaker for me.
  2. I want you to be comfortable with it. If a guy hesitates about changing his relationship status, my alarm bells sound. Not only do I worry that he’s going to cheat on me, but I worry that he’s not actually keen to commit to me. It’s horrible to feel that and I don’t want that with you.
  3. If you can’t share it with your closest friends, we have a problem. Sure, many friends on social media are people you don’t know in RL, but some are your closest friends and family members. If you can’t share the news with them, there’s a reason why you’re holding back – and it’s not a good one.
  4. I want you to feel proud to be with me. The worst part about a guy not changing his relationship status on social media is how it makes me feel about myself. I don’t want to feel that I’m not good enough for you or that you’re not proud to be seen with me, whether in RL or on the internet. Screw that. I won’t sit around and let those fears haunt me. I’ve been there and it sucks.
  5. I want you to be clear that you’re off the market. Facebook and other social media sites can sometimes feel like unofficial dating apps. There are opportunities everywhere to hook up with someone. If your relationship status doesn’t say that you’re in a relationship, then it’s like you’re not shutting the door to those opportunities. It’s shady AF.
  6. No, I’m not jealous. People are quick to call a woman “jealous” if she wants her boyfriend to change his relationship status, but this is a cheap shot. It’s really about relationship decency for me. If a guy I’m dating doesn’t tell people in his life that he’s dating me, then it’s like he’s got something to hide. Do you? If so, don’t bother.
  7. It makes me suspicious about your real life. If you can’t say that you’re in a relationship on social media, then it makes me wonder: just how open are you with people in your everyday life? Are you actually not that keen on being in a serious relationship after all? You’re giving me mixed messages here!
  8. I need an honest man. I want to date someone who’s honest and isn’t going to try to mess me around. I know it’s no guarantee that a guy who says he’s in a relationship on social media is going to be an honest boyfriend, but social media is a big part of many people’s lives so it forms part of being honest.
  9. I won’t be anyone’s dirty little secret. If you want to keep our relationship secret because you find it intriguing, you have another thing coming and I’m not buying that BS excuse. This is a huge insult to me. I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting my time with someone who isn’t even serious. Oh, and when you say you’re a “private person” who doesn’t share important stuff on Facebook, that’s not a good enough excuse either.
  10. You should be sensitive to my needs. I’m not asking you for a kidney, FFS, just for you to be honest and say that you’re in a relationship with me. It’s really a small thing — I swear, no one’s paying attention to your love life on social media. So then why am I making such a big deal of changing our relationship statuses, you ask? It’s about us, not about anyone else. If you can’t see that it matters to me and be sensitive to what I need to feel secure in our relationship, that’s a huge red flag.
  11. It’s a sign of commitment. There are many ways in which to show me that you’re committed to me, such as letting me keep clothes at your place, spending lots of your free time with me, and including me in your life. Part of that is your online life. I want to know you’re in this relationship 100 percent, in real life and on the internet, and nothing less.
  12. Making it public means making it officialI’m not one of those people who’ll change her relationship status on the altar at her wedding day because she can’t wait. I’m also not one of those people who want to brag about their relationships on Facebook, but I am someone who wants to make things official. If we’re in a serious relationship and you’re committed to me, then you should be fine with making it public.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.