Can A Guy Really Love You And Still Cheat on You? A Man Defends the Indefensible

There are few things in this world that hurt as much as being cheated on, especially by someone you thought loved you. I’m not going to deny that it’s a major betrayal, but is it possible that we’re too quick to assume that the people who are unfaithful don’t care about us at all? Is it possible that a guy who cheats on you still loves you? Consider these reasons he may have stepped out even though he still adores you.

  1. Guys separate the physical from the emotional. I know that this isn’t a great excuse or explanation for cheating, but it’s true that guys are more able to separate physical actions from their emotions. I don’t want to say that this gives guys a pass on loving someone while sleeping with someone else, but it means that our physical actions aren’t always emblematic of what we feel. Our physical desires can sometimes lead us to cheat without the fact that we love you stopping us.
  2. The spark was fading in the relationship. I think we can all agree that the spark tends to fade in long-term relationships. But even when that happens, it doesn’t mean you love the other person any less. The problem is that everybody still craves that feeling you get when you meet someone new who excites you. When he feels that again, it can tempt him into cheating. While that sucks, it doesn’t necessarily mean he loves you any less.
  3. You don’t have sex enough or at all and he needs to get laid. There can surely be plenty of love in a relationship even if there isn’t a lot of sex. The problem is that some guys will go outside of their relationship to get laid if it’s not happening inside the relationship. Again, this happens with men more frequently because we can separate the physical from the emotional better than women. In some instances, infidelity is all about sex rather than looking for a new relationship.
  4. He’s battling insecurity. Even in a loving relationship, it’s possible for men to feel insecure. Sometimes we feel unworthy or unimportant in the eyes of the people we love. If we meet someone who makes us feel more confident and better about ourselves, we’re prone to cheating. It’s not that we don’t love our partners anymore. It’s more about wanting to be with someone who pumps up our ego.
  5. You’ve been physically or emotionally distant. Yes, absence can make the heart grow fonder, but a physically distant partner can make a person lonely and craving a connection with someone else. Needless to say, this happens a lot in long-distance relationships. They usually begin with good intentions, but cheating is a lot easier when the other person isn’t around, even if you love them. The same is true if there is an emotional distance. If your partner broke your trust or doesn’t feel connected to you, it’s possible to seek that connection with someone else and still love your partner.
  6. He was under the influence. I’m not saying that it’s okay to cheat on someone if you’re drunk. I think most of us can agree that this is a bad excuse for cheating. However, everyone must admit that being under the influence does alter our inhibitions and the way we think, perhaps making us more likely to cheat. Of course, everyone has the choice to drink excessively or not, so this isn’t a viable excuse for cheating. I’m just saying that a guy can love you even if he makes the mistake of cheating on you while he’s not entirely sober.
  7. He struggles with jealous. This can be a two-way street. In some instances, a guy could be feeling jealous or insecure and cheat on you to make himself feel better. He might also cheat on you as a way to make you jealous. Admittedly, neither of these scenarios is a particularly mature approach to relationships, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t love in the relationship despite the infidelity.
  8. He was desperate to feed his ego. Some men are able to keep their egos are in check while other men are egomaniacs of the highest order. In the latter case, they’ll constantly seek out validation and praise in order to feel better about themselves. Even if they end up in a loving and committed relationship, they still need an ego boost. Some men get that from the chase of trying to sleep with someone else. They may not love their partner any less, but they still cheat to feed their ego.
  9. He was craving excitement. I think we all understand that long-term relationships can get a little monotonous and lack excitement at times. It doesn’t mean you love the other person any less, it just means that you want to do something to break out of a rut. This can sometimes lead men to pursue a fling or make them more vulnerable if the opportunity to cheat presents itself. Again, I’m defending this kind of behavior, but it’s another instance in which a lack of love in the relationship is not the reason for a guy’s infidelity.
  10. He’s afraid of commitment. Making a commitment isn’t always easy for guys. Some tend to freak out about it and because of that, we aren’t always thinking straight because it’s such a big decision. Even if we love our partners, some guys will cheat as a way to get out of the commitment. Others will cheat because it’s the exact opposite of making a commitment. I’ll admit that these aren’t always rational responses, but they do happen when guys are pushed into making a commitment before they’re ready.
Bryan Zarpentine is a freelance writer and editor whose work can be seen in many forms throughout the Information Superhighway.