It all started off great, now you’re not sure it’s worth the trouble anymore – despite the fact that you were sure this was going to last. Are you really ready to give up on the love of your life? If not, it’s time to face facts. The two of you might not be able to save your relationship on your own, and it could be time for couple’s therapy.
I don’t care if you’ve been together six months or 60 years – therapy can help all lengths of relationships. Think of it as introducing an unbiased friend into the relationship. Both of you are blind to what’s really going on, so why not let someone else see things more clearly for you? If your dream come true has turned into a nightmare, what do you have to lose? If you still love each other at all, here’s why you should give therapy a chance.
Fix the silence or one word conversations. Have your conversations devolved into grunts, one word answers or just silence? Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Having someone force you to speak, even if it’s through them, is a way to reopen the lines of communication between you. You’d be surprised how much you need to say when the silence is finally broken.
Find out why the sex blows. At first, it was one mind-blowing orgasm after another. Now, neither one of you really cares anymore. Why? Is it work-related stress? Has your sex life become routine? Could it be a health problem? It’s hard to know when no one talks about it. A couple’s therapist has a way of digging deep into your personal lives to find out what’s really going on.
Uncover issues you didn’t even know existed. You think everything stems from the fact that you’re not in the mood for sex as often. As it turns out, he’s giving you the cold shoulder because you never tell him “thank you” for anything. Sometimes it’s hard to see the real issues when you’re on the inside. Let someone else help you find the underlying issues that are tearing your relationship apart.
Work out issues you were scared to bring up. Not everyone is great at confrontation. It’s something I’ve had to work on myself. The problem is keeping issues bottled up inside because you’re afraid of making your partner upset only leads to resentment, anxiety and even depression. A therapist helps you feel more comfortable talking about the things you were afraid to say before.
Get a referee for the fighting. Do the two of you have a hard time saying anything without fighting? Don’t get me wrong – you will fight during couple’s therapy. A therapist encourages you to express yourself. They’ll also stop things from getting out of control. You both get out your frustrations without saying things you might regret.
Learn to control the fights. During your sessions, your therapist will help you learn what’s worth fighting about and what isn’t. They’ll also help you both learn to calm down and stop fights from escalating. Once you’ve both calmed down, issues are much easier to work out.
Realize that neither of you are perfect. Everything would be great if he would just change. Or at least that’s what you think. Couples on the rocks often think it’s all their partner’s fault. They see themselves as perfect. A couple’s therapist quickly makes you realize that both of you are at fault. One person might be more to blame, but both of have your faults.
Bring two separate lives together. Some couples think being in a relationship means living two separate lives while living together when it suits them. You have to be able to merge your lives. It can’t be all about you or him. Couple’s therapy helps you learn how to compromise without losing your own identity. It’s a hard balance sometimes, but it’s vital for making a relationship last.
Find out what’s being hidden. Maybe it’s finances or cheating or something else entirely, but it’s easy to tell when your partner is hiding something major. It could be as simple as the fact that you talked to your ex and didn’t tell your partner. If you’re feeling guilty about something and keeping it secret, it will cause trust issues. Getting it all out during therapy gives you a safe way to tell your secrets and explain yourself without a fight.
Get help talking instead of yelling. Even when you try to talk things out, it always ends up in a yelling match. That’s not going to make things better. You both have to learn to control your tempers and hear each other out. This is where a third party is extremely helpful.
Figure out if you’re ready for a future. For some couples, the main problem is one or both of you just aren’t ready for forever just yet. It doesn’t mean the relationship is over, it just means you might need to put the brakes on any wedding plans or thoughts of having kids right now. It might even mean living separately if living together is too much right now. By asking the right questions, a therapist helps you discover what you really need at this point in your life.
I’ll be honest: couple’s therapy won’t be able to fix everything, but it does help fix many problems. You don’t want to live in a bad relationship or with what ifs for the rest of your life. Try therapy together. It could save your relationship.
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