Can Dating To Get Over Someone Really Work?

Your relationship is over but your ex is still finding his way into your mind on a daily basis. It sucks, right? Although you need to take your time to work through your feelings and gain closure so you can move on, you might consider dating someone else. But, is it a good idea? As a matter of fact, dating to get over someone can actually work if you approach it in these 12 ways.

  1. Enjoy the temporary high. Understand that feeling things for someone new, while it can be exciting, won’t necessarily last forever. You might have to hit the brakes on a new relationship because you’re simply not ready to take things into a serious realm. That’s okay! Have fun and enjoy yourself.
  2. Make the most of the distraction. If you’re stuck in your own thoughts about the breakup, it can do you a world of good to force yourself to think of other things, like how cute the guy who’s asking you out is. It’s a nice boost to your ego that you need right now.
  3. Keep things light. You don’t want to get too heavy with anyone too quickly, especially if your heart is filled with feelings for your ex. So, aim to date casually for now, at least until you feel you’ve worked through your feelings. This will prevent you from getting into anything that’s too serious and will bring you stress, which is the last thing you need.
  4. Don’t be hard on yourself. While some other people might tell you that you’re moving too fast (yes, moving too fast can sink your relationship fast) and are setting yourself up for heartbreak, you should go ahead and date if you feel it’s right for you. Maybe you want to have a fling and not take anything too seriously right now. In that case…
  5. Be open about where you’re at. You will set yourself up for heartbreak and drama if you’re not open and honest about what you want. If the new person you’re dating thinks you’re on the path to becoming official and exclusive but you’re just keeping things fun and casual, it’s not fair on them. You also don’t need the drama. So, when the person asks you what you’re looking for, let them know what’s going on.
  6. Let them know when your relationship ended. When getting to know someone new, chances are they’ll want to know when your breakup happened. Even if it was two or three weeks ago — which might set off alarm bells for them — you need to be honest. If they don’t stick around, they’re doing you a favor because you’re looking for different things.
  7. Stop when it doesn’t feel good. While casual dating might feel good and be a useful distraction – it might even make you feel the spark again – sooner or later you’re going to have to stop and take stock of what you’re feeling. Maybe you’re feeling better about life and your confidence has gone up a notch, so you’re keen on being single again. Whatever the case, listen to your gut. If dating to get over someone isn’t feeling right, stop.
  8. Don’t invest too much into the new relationship. It’s easy to fall into a new relationship without even realizing it’s happening. It’s like riding a bike downhill and realizing you’re going too fast before you can stop. If you notice that you’re giving more and more of yourself to the relationship as time goes by, and this isn’t what you were seeking, hit the pause button. Check in with yourself to see if you’re just going along with the new relationship or you actually want it.
  9. What if you fall for the new person? You might start to get a case of the feels for this new person, even though you’re still not over your ex. WTF? Don’t feel bad – you can love two people simultaneously. It’s not ideal, but it happens. Maybe the feelings you still have for your ex aren’t love, but there are still traces of something. The important thing is to focus on what you need and want, and not rush into anything new.
  10. Don’t hide your feelings for your ex. While you might want to keep traces of any feelings for your ex out of the way so that they don’t put off the new person you’re dating who you really, really like, this is a recipe for disaster, especially if you’re not ready to move on from your heartache. This is why it’s better to communicate what’s going on.
  11. Resolve to take it slow. Whatever you decide to do, don’t rush into anything that you might not be ready to deal with, whether that’s a casual or serious relationship. Easing into new situations is always recommended after a breakup because now’s not the time to make big life decisions. This will also give you a chance to suss out this new phase of your life so you find a path to happiness.
  12. Don’t date to run away. While a casual dating setup could make you feel good about yourself and positive about your future, question why you need it. If you’re hoping to escape the sad feelings about your breakup, it’s not going to help you. You’re just blocking out your feelings for the time being, but you’ll never be able to outrun them forever.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.