Things were going well between you and the person you liked until they went AWOL out of nowhere. They stopped texting and calling and you couldn’t even access their social media profiles anymore. Ghosting sucks at the best of times, but what about when the person comes back weeks or months later and wants another chance? Can ghosting be forgiven and should it be? Here are some things to consider.
Can ghosting be forgiven?
The answer to this question depends on the person. Ghosting as a practice is so toxic because of the effect it has on the person on the receiving end of things. As Akua Genfi, co-host of sex and dating podcast Inner Hoe Uprising and a licensed mental health counselor, tells Elite Daily: “It can lead to traits of anxiety including overthinking, excessive or irrational worrying — sadness, depression, self-deprecation, hyper-vigilance, acute stress, shame, symptoms of grief, and aggression.” The idea of going back to someone who made you feel that way and potentially forming a relationship with them can be a hard pill for many to swallow.
Maybe you’re someone who does believe ghosting can be forgiven and because you felt a deep connection with the person, you want to give them another chance. What you do is entirely your decision, of course, but it’s worth asking yourself some pretty major questions before deciding to go back into a potentially heartbreaking situation.
Things to consider before giving a ghoster a second chance
- Have they sincerely apologized for ghosting you and asked to be forgiven? It’s one thing believing that ghosting can be forgiven and committing yourself to doing so, but has the ghoster actually said they’re sorry? Do they genuinely feel bad about what they did and realize how hurtful it is or do they just expect you to deal with it and pick up where you left off because they can finally be bothered to make an effort? If they don’t appreciate the gravity of their actions, they’re not worth it.
- Have they given an explanation for why they ghosted you? While this makes little to no difference given that the end result was the same, if someone went to the extent of ghosting you, they can at least show you enough respect and consideration to tell you why they did it. Of course, the only real answer here is “I was a coward who couldn’t communicate my feelings (or lack thereof) like an adult.” That being said, there’s no way ghosting can be forgiven if you have no understanding as to what was going through their head or going on in their lives when they did it.
- Has anything changed in their lives to make them more likely to stick around this time? This is a key question. If the only reason they’re coming back around and wanting to start things up with you again is that they’re bored and you’re still single/available, they’ve got another thing coming. Unless something major has changed in their lives or in their understanding of how to treat other people, their ghosting most definitely should not be forgiven.
- Are you on the same page about what you want from dating? It’s possible that the ghoster dipped on your burgeoning romance because they felt like you were more into it than them and they didn’t want to tell you that. (Again, cowardly.) That being said, before you consider their ghosting to be forgiven, you need to figure out if you even want the same things from a possible relationship. Are they just looking for some casual fun while you want a relationship? Figure this out before you move forward.
- Why have they come back to you after ghosting you? They clearly weren’t feeling it a few weeks or months ago, so what’s changed? You’re still the same person you were then, so why would you suddenly be good enough now? Ask them straight-up why they’re desperate to rekindle things and tell them you want an honest answer. While no response is likely to be good enough or paint them in a good light, you’re owed a little insight.
- Are you prepared to be disappointed if the same thing happens again? This is probably the most important item on this list. Even if you believe with all your heart that ghosting can be forgiven and you can move forward with this person, you also have to be prepared for the fact that they very well may pull the same move again even if they promise not to. Are you ready for that? No one should have to be, but make sure you know the position you’re putting yourself in if you do decide to go there again with someone who never respected you enough to tell you to your face that they weren’t interested before.
