Can Going On Fewer Dates Actually Help You Find Love?

Can Going On Fewer Dates Actually Help You Find Love?

When you’re single AF, the number of first dates that you go on is kind of your measure of success. You know that it’s going to take time to meet someone you click with and you’re okay with that (for the most part), so you want to keep getting out there and going out with guys. But what if you stopped going on so many dates? Could that actually help you find love? Maybe — here’s why:

  1. You’ll take the pressure off. When you have a bunch of first dates in a row, you’re pressuring yourself to like at least one of the guys. This happens whether you mean to or not — it’s basically inevitable. After all, the goal is to find a boyfriend so that you don’t have to date around anymore, so you’re way more likely to settle. But if you go on a date every once in a while, the date becomes no big deal. You can take or leave this guy — you can always go out with another one later.
  2. You’ll get to know your dates. Instead of feeling like you’re dating like an assembly line, meeting one new guy after the other, you’re going to actually slow down long enough to get to know the people sitting across from you. That’s pretty much the entire point of dating, so it’s definitely a smart idea. It ups your chances of forming a real connection, and that’s the start of a relationship.
  3. You’ll choose your dates way more carefully. A funny thing happens when you’re used to going on a ton of first dates: you will pretty much go out with anyone. Okay, maybe not anyone exactly, but you do lower your standards a little bit. It’s inevitable. You tell yourself that you can never really judge a guy until he’s sitting in front of you, so you might as well give them the benefit of the doubt and go out with them. When you go on fewer dates, you’re more choosy and just might end up with who you really want.
  4. You won’t need dating breaks. Sure, a dating break is totally necessary every once in a while. You get sick and tired of the whole thing and can’t imagine going out with anyone, which makes sense. But if you don’t date up a storm, you might not even need a dating hiatus at all, which would bring you a lot closer to meeting someone amazing.
  5. You’ll be in a better mood. Nothing ruins the potential first date magic like when you schedule a ton of dates in one month (or even a week). You’re going through the motions, feeling super bored and wondering why you did this to yourself. When you don’t date this much, you’ll be in a much better mood because you won’t be burned out. This way, you can maybe even enjoy the dates that you do go on. What a concept, right?
  6. You won’t feel super single. There’s nothing like an endless supply of crappy first dates to make you feel like The Most Single Girl Alive. When you focus on your awesome life with a few dates sprinkled in there, you’re going to feel like more of a human being instead of a serial dater.
  7. You’ll be more present on the dates you DO go on. Instead of worrying about what last night’s guy said or did or whether he’s going to text you, you can actually focus on the date that’s right in front of you. Dating less will make you more present and aware of what’s going on, which will work in your favor.
  8. You’ll feel less discouraged about dating in general. Chances are, you’re feeling pretty exhausted of and disillusioned about dating and you’re tired of all the crap (and that’s an understatement). If you space out your dates, you’re not going to feel like you’re at the mercy of this wild and crazy process that some call dating but you call hell.
  9. You’ll be in control. There are only so many things that you can control about dating. A lot of it is totally out of your hands, but if you make sure that you’re only going on dates that you really and truly feel are a good idea for you, then you’re going to feel more in control of the process, and that’s empowering.
  10. You can leave things up to fate. Whether you believe in fate or destiny or even just that your person is still out there waiting for you, when you go on fewer dates, you’re telling the universe that you are ready for love. You’re not desperate. You’re not miserable. You’re just doing exactly what you should be: leaving yourself open to love, but still living your life in the process.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories on her food blog, ahealthystory.com. She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture.