Can A Mattress Really Tell You If Your Partner Is Cheating?

Can A Mattress Really Tell You If Your Partner Is Cheating? ©iStock/AnaBGD

A mattress maker in Spain recently came out with a super high-tech mattress that can call you who’s sleeping on it and with whom — and that’s just the beginning. For a cool $1,800, Durmet, the company behind the pro-monogamy mattress, says it can tell if your partner is cheating on you. Is that even possible, and if it is, would you really want to find out like that?

  1. They were inspired by the Ashley Madison hack. Apparently Spain is one of the naughtiest nations in the world when it comes to fidelity, which was revealed when all those email addresses came pouring out of the data released by the Ashley Madison hackers. This got some enterprising mattress-maker thinking, and they decided that the best way to combat cheating is with smart technology imbued into your bed. It’s certainly a way of doing it, we suppose.
  2. It’s called a “lover detection system,” and it sounds sneaky as hell. There’s a network of sensors in the mattress measuring vibrations on the bed. It is supposedly smart enough to not be triggered by mundane movements, like sitting or lounging or cuddling. Nope, it just detects pure sex. The “humping” motion is what sets it off.
  3. No, really, it’s creepy AF. The mattress will then communicate to your phone that someone is doing the nasty on it while you’re not there, with a push notification. It then gets worse. According to the company, it will tell you “the pressure, the rhythm, and velocity of the activity.”
  4. If that doesn’t sound detailed enough… “You also get a 3D image in real time, which is a bit of a quirky feature, but it allows you to see from the side and the front how the mattress is being used.” At this point, a nanny cam might be less creepy. At least the stats won’t be collected for you to measure up against.
  5. Why should you use it? If it seems like there are easier ways to catch a cheating partner, yeah, there probably are. Essentially, this mattress is targeted at the wealthy. Perhaps it makes sense if you’ve got significant prenups in place and need some proof of cheating in order to avoid payouts. But it pretty much seems like ordering one of these mattresses would be the death knell of any relationship.
  6. Durmet knows what it’s doing. They assure customers that the product will be delivered discreetly, and that no one needs to know what’s inside the mattress. It’s a spy, essentially, perfectly weaponized to catch the cheating lover. Perhaps before shelling out for such a big buy, though, you may just want to swipe through your partner’s recent calls list.
  7. So, would you shell out for the anti-philandering bed? Ultimately, if it comes down to being that desperate to ensure your significant other isn’t cheating, you may need to reevaluate the terms of your relationship. A healthy relationship needs to be built on trust, and sneaking a science-fiction-like mattress into the house to catch the humping motions the mattress detects just doesn’t seem to be very healthy. But to each their own.
Becca Rose is a writer with high hopes for her student loan debt. She's a musician and aspiring novelist, but don't ask her to write poetry, because she's terrible at it. She has written for HelloGiggles, The Toast, The Huffington Post, and more. You can find her on Twitter @bookbeaut