Can You Love Someone Too Much? Signs Your Feelings For Him Are A Bad Thing

Relationships need love to survive and even thrive, but sometimes, there can be too much of a good thing. If you’re head-over-heels in love with your guy with intense feelings that even feel overwhelming for you sometimes, look for these signs that indicate your love is excessive and becoming toxic. It’s probably better if you temper them altogether.

  1. You let red flags slide. Sometimes you notice something is a little off about your guy but you dismiss it as just being in your head or no big deal. Other times, you may be completely oblivious to his flaws altogether. Either way, you ignore the red flags in favor of focusing only on his positive qualities.
  2. You always forgive him, no matter his offense. If you love your guy too much, you’ll always be willing to forgive him. After all, you want to stick together through thick and thin. The problem is that this means that there are no boundaries in your relationship. In reality, you might be settling, putting up with his bad behavior in your relationship.
  3. Explosive fights are common. Just because you’re always willing to forgive doesn’t mean you don’t get angry first. When he messes up, a war ensues. This is because you love him so much, you can’t see him as being anything but perfect. Then, it’s a shock when he screws up. You might be in disbelief that the person you love so much could do something so wrong, causing an explosive and emotional fight. Still, every time, you forgive him and move on, going right back to pouring your love into your relationship together.
  4. You want to spend all your time with him. It feels like you can’t be away from him and when you are, you’re constantly messaging or calling. Not only that, but these days, you’re hardly seeing your friends or family. You may even forget what you used to do for fun before being with your beau. All that matters to you now is spending as much time together as possible.
  5. Self-love no longer exists. You may be neglecting yourself while funneling all your energy into your man and his happiness. You’ve stopped thinking about your own feelings, opinions, or needs. Instead, you just ask him how he’s feeling, what he thinks, or what he wants. Because you’ve stopped loving and caring for yourself, your self-esteem and identity depend on him to a dangerous degree.
  6. Your only fulfillment comes from him. Relationships can be extremely fulfilling and rewarding, but if your love is excessive, you may only look to your guy for fulfillment. Then, it’s typical to find yourself giving up on goals and personal growth. Even if you have a successful career or healthy friendships, they just don’t feel fulfilling anymore. Instead, fulfillment and happiness only seem to be driven by maintaining your romantic relationship.
  7. You’re doing all the work. If your relationship feels one-sided, it could be because you’re doing way more than your fair share. You may be smothering your partner with so much love, they don’t even have an opportunity to contribute to the relationship by their own accord. Even if you stepped back and gave them a chance to pull their weight, they may feel so suffocated by your boundless love and affection that they’d actually appreciate the space. Either way, a relationship can’t thrive when one person is doing nearly all the work.
  8. The relationship hurts other people. You may just consider yourself his ride or die, but if your loyalty to him is hurting other people, it’s time to reassess. Watch if you defend his mistakes when talking to other people. Or consider if you’ve neglected a friend in favor of spending time with your beau. Think: if he asked you to cut ties with a loved one, would you? If you’d seriously consider it out of love for them, you might be giving too much of your love and loyalty to him while hurting others in the process.
  9. You can’t imagine life without him. It sounds romantic, but finding it impossible to live life without your man is actually extremely toxic. Whether you stay together forever or not, you should have the strength, tools, and coping strategies to live a full life without your partner. But if you don’t, you may be depending on him too much to keep you afloat. Your life shouldn’t rely on just one person, especially if that person isn’t you.
  10. Your love for him isn’t really love. At a certain point, love can become so excessive it’s no longer real love. Instead, it’s just infatuation or even codependency. True love is balanced, respectful, and kind. When you really love someone, you can respect their boundaries, while maintaining your own too. It should be clear where one person ends and the other begins. But when you love too much, it can become obsessive and even manipulative. In some cases, overwhelming a guy with love can even be used to try to control him or prevent him from breaking up. So when love is excessive, know that it isn’t really love at all.
Relationship educator, writer, host of the Relationship Reminders podcast, and mental health advocate hailing from the US and currently based in Tokyo