If You Can’t Agree On These 10 Things Your Relationship Is Doomed From The Start

No matter how compatible you are with the person you’re dating, you’re never going to agree on everything — and you don’t actually need to. Sometimes you’ll have to agree to disagree and other times you’ll just have to compromise. However, there are some exceptions to the rule and if you can’t agree on these 10 things, your relationship is never going to get off the ground:

  1. Whether or not you want to have kids. This is something you either want or you don’t and very rarely is there any sort of gray area. If he’s always dreamed of being a father but being a mother would be your worst nightmare, how do you compromise? There is no compromise. You can’t just leave one spouse raise the kids while the other ignores them. If you’re not on the same page, this fairytale story isn’t going to last.
  2. How you feel about marriage. You’ve been dreaming of a wedding since you were a little girl, but he thinks marriage is just a contract brought on by societal pressure to legalize your monogamy. How will you deal with that? Can you give up the marriage you always wanted or will he give into your wishes while you have to live with the fact that your marriage means a hell of a lot less to him than it does to you? Good luck with that decision…
  3. The importance of your careers. Is one of your careers more important than the other or are your dreams both equally important? Will you make your relationship a factor in your career decisions? For some people, a job is just a job and for others, their career is their life’s passion. If he hopes your career takes a backseat to his, will you really be okay with that or do you need a man who’s going to support your dreams as much as he supports his own?
  4. Where you want to live. You can’t live across the world from each other for the rest of your lives. Sometimes life is all about location. If you see yourselves living in different cities, climates, regions or even countries, how is this relationship going to work? He wants to stay close to his family but you want to be anywhere but here, so which one of you gives up on the life you always wanted?
  5. If religion is going to play a part in your lives. You might have different beliefs and that’s fine, but take a moment to consider those beliefs. Will religion play a role in your everyday lives? Will you raise your kids to believe a certain way and follow certain guidelines? You don’t have to agree on what you believe, but you do need to agree on how those beliefs will shape your lives.
  6. The role your families will play in your life. Can you handle his uptight mother? Will he accept how often you’d like to visit with your family? You don’t just get each other. If you really want to be an essential part of each other’s lives then you have to find a way to deal with the rest of their life too. Those people aren’t going anywhere, so is he really worth his crazy family? That’s up to you.
  7. What you see for your future. If he wants to travel the world for his retirement but you want to stay at home with your grandkids, then how is this going to work? Is he all about living paycheck to paycheck while you see serious financial success in your future? If you don’t want the same lifestyle then you simply don’t want the same life and sooner or later your lives will head in different directions.
  8. Your relationship with your exes. Is it okay to stay friends with an ex? If one of you thinks that’s perfectly acceptable while the other thinks that’s a total betrayal then your past will always get in the way of your future. You need to be on the same page about who you loved before and what role (if any) they’re going to play in your life.
  9. How important sex will be to your relationship. It’s going to play a role no matter what, but how big of one? Will you wait until marriage? Will sex be the most important aspect of your relationship? If a physical connection is his top priority while an emotional connection is yours, is there really a way over that hump?
  10. Your own roles in your relationship. You each have expectations for each other, so what are they? And are they realistic? If he’s old fashioned and expects you to simply raise his kids, cook his dinner, and do his housework, are you going to be okay with that? What you expect of your partner is a serious factor in whether or not the relationship will survive. If you don’t want the same things, then your relationship is doomed from the start.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.