I Can’t Date A Dude Whose Apartment Is Gross

Some guys are total slobs and I can’t handle it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about a few dishes in the sink or a floor that probably could use a good sweep—I’m talking about that feeling you get in your gut when you walk into a guy’s place for the first time and question his hygiene. If he’d rather live in a dirty apartment, it’s just not going to work for me.

1. It says he doesn’t value his things. If you value something, odds are you’re going to take care of it to the best of your ability. A dirty, neglected apartment tells me that he doesn’t really care about the things in his space and they’re disposable to him. I don’t need that kind of attitude running over into a relationship down the road—I’m worth valuing and taking care of, and I’ll do the same for the right guy.
2. I can only assume he doesn’t take care of himself. If he doesn’t care enough to clean his own living space, I’m definitely going to assume he doesn’t take the greatest care of himself either. I don’t take my health for granted and I want a guy who understands self-care and hygiene. Pushing off general cleanliness is one of those habits that tends to hang around in all aspects of health, so I’m not going to risk it.
3. He’s clearly not worried about my personal comfort. If he invites me over to his place for the first time, I hope he’d take the time to at least pick up any dirty laundry and wash the dishes in the sink. When I walk into a place that hasn’t been touched and he just doesn’t care, he’s either completely oblivious to his own messes or just really doesn’t care how I feel in his environment. I want a guy to care about my opinion of him and make me feel at home when I’m in his.
4. He doesn’t take his responsibilities seriously. Like it or not, adulthood is full of responsibilities none of us signed up for. One of those basic responsibilities is cleaning up after yourself and keeping up with the chores. It shows a lack of discipline when a guy doesn’t care enough to take care of responsibilities that come with having your own place. I don’t want to be a mom to the guy I’m dating. I’m not looking to clean up after him and remind him to take out the trash—he should fulfill those duties himself, as an adult.
5. He doesn’t have his priorities straight. I understand it’s easy to overwhelm our schedules to where it seems impossible to fit in mundane things like cleaning but if a little alert doesn’t go off in his head when the sink is overflowing and the trash reeks, his priorities are definitely mixed around. When it comes down to it, you make time for what’s important to you, and it really doesn’t take that much time to take out the trash.
6. He hasn’t grown up yet. Like I said before, I really don’t want to be my guy’s second mother figure, nagging at him to take care of his space and clean up after himself. If he needs reminders to keep up with these basic requirements, he’s obviously not fully an adult yet. Whether he expects me to take care of it or just really avoids chores like the plague, I’m not dealing with it. I’m happy to pull my weight but a man will pull his own too.
7. We don’t share the same values. If I look into the future with a guy, I want us to both be comfortable in our home together. I can tell you right now there’s no way that would be possible with a dude who doesn’t have the same cleanliness standards as I do. I’m no clean freak either—I just want him to be able to value our place and treat it like a home. Having a place I actually want to come home to is important to me, and I want it to be important to him too.
8. I assume he doesn’t have good taste. This one might sound a little harsh, but hear me out. Chances are, a guy who doesn’t take care of his things probably doesn’t have good taste, simply because good taste implies that you understand the value of fine things. When you have good taste and enjoy fine things in life, you’re bound to take care of those things, simply because you see their value.
9. He’s generally sloppy. Being a sloppy person goes far beyond manners and personal hygiene – it’s really a lifestyle choice. If you’re sloppy in one area, that tends to bleed over into the next so it’s a huge red flag for me when a guy can’t get it together. I have goals for my life and plans to get there, no sloppiness included. I want a guy who’s on the same page and doesn’t let his goals get muddied by carelessness.
10. It says a lot about his personality. I’m sure there are girls out there who are super laid-back and chill with whatever but that’s just not me. I want someone who values his things, balances his responsibilities and makes time for the little details that make life’s best moments even better. A man being able to take care of his surroundings is not only a huge turn-on but a ground level requirement for me getting serious with him.