Can’t Figure Out Why He Dumped You? Maybe It Doesn’t Matter

Can’t Figure Out Why He Dumped You? Maybe It Doesn’t Matter ©iStock/filadendron

Getting rejected is always tough, even when we don’t even want the person or thing rejecting us. We’d just rather assume that we’re loved and accepted by everyone all the time, but that’s not really how life works. If you’re in the dating scene, rejection is going to occur from time to time. Thinking about why it happens can be helpful if you’re making really extreme choices in your dating life, but it can also veer into tortuous territory, because sometimes you just never really know. Basically, if you can’t figure out why he dumped you… maybe it just doesn’t matter.

  1. If it’s not obvious, it might be something you don’t need to hear. If you go on an awesome date but the guy never contacts you again, the urge is to start thinking through every line of the conversation you’ve ever had and how you came off. Sure, maybe it was your political beliefs or maybe he didn’t like your voice. Does it matter? If you were just you, probably not.
  2. He gave you an answer, so leave it at that. Even if he told you their exact reasons for breaking up with you, he might not be giving you the whole truth or properly explaining what was really behind his thought process. All you need to know is that he’s saying no.
  3. He clearly lacked some important communication skills. Straight up — if someone can’t tell you why he doesn’t want to be with you, then he clearly isn’t great at communicating. It’s insanely simple (and mature) to just speak the truth and move on. If he couldn’t do that, then he probably isn’t good boyfriend material anyway, and you deserve a good one.
  4. People have unfinished business. He seemed all there when you guys were dating, but his sudden departure makes you wonder if he ever liked you at all. He probably did. Maybe he had an ex come back into the picture and they’re madly in love and he didn’t want to make your breakup even harder.
  5. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there. If things just drifted apart for what seems like no reason, perhaps the chemistry just wasn’t there to begin with. When that’s the case, there’s nothing you can do about it, and it’s obviously not worth holding on to for either of you. That can be hard to imagine when you definitely feel the chemistry, but these things can be one-sided.
  6. Not knowing why won’t affect your future. You’ll probably have plenty of circumstances where someone does communicate what went wrong, and in that case, you reflect on it and make better choices the next time around. Maybe not knowing just means there’s not one specific something you could have done differently, anyway.
  7. Trying to guess probably won’t help. Ever had one of those days where you felt like someone was mad at you and you thought up an entire story about why, only to find out later they forgot their phone at home? Don’t go too mad trying to guess when you’re probably going to get it wrong and just stress yourself out more. On to the next one.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog