If He Can’t Figure Out How To Be A Good Boyfriend, I’m Not Going To Waste My Time Teaching Him

What constitutes a ‘good boyfriend’ is pretty subjective and probably changes a lot depending on someone’s age and priorities. That being said, there are certain universal qualities every girl is looking for in a boyfriend. I, for one, don’t have time to waste on a guy who doesn’t have these qualities and either can’t figure out what he’s doing wrong or just doesn’t care. I’m not here to teach a guy how to be a good boyfriend. If he doesn’t know, then I’m not interested.

  1. I’d rather be alone than with a guy who doesn’t make me happy. Being single sounds a lot better than being with a guy who isn’t the kind of person I can trust and respect. Trying to teach a guy what it takes to be a good boyfriend takes more than just words, and if a guy isn’t making me happy now, I can’t expect that to change.
  2. There are guys out there who know how to treat their girlfriends. For all the losers out there who have no idea what they’re doing, there are plenty of decent guys who have it all figured out. It might not feel like it sometimes, but I’m pretty confident that I can find one of them as long as I’m willing to keep looking and not settle for less than I deserve.
  3. I’ve been there, done that and I’m over it. Dating in my early 20s was pretty much just an endless stream of guys who didn’t know what being a good boyfriend meant. Granted, I wasn’t an expert girlfriend half the time either. But I’m done with that phase and now I want a guy who has learned a few things along the way,  just like I have.
  4. It should be common sense. A lot of being a good boyfriend is just using common sense. Communicate with me, treat me with respect, be thoughtful and make an effort with my friends. None of these things are rocket science. So if I guy isn’t doing them without me asking him to, there’s a big problem.
  5. I genuinely don’t have time to waste. I don’t have the time or patience to get into pointless fights with a guy over things he should know already. It’s exhausting and I have bigger things to worry about than trying to teach him that ignoring me in front of his friends and “forgetting” my birthday are stupid moves.
  6. They should really know better by now. It’s not like I’m out there dating 18-year-olds who have no experience with women beyond their high school girlfriend. The guys I’m dating are most likely in their late 20s to mid-30s, and I’m hoping they’ve learned a couple things about what makes a good boyfriend. If they haven’t, that’s a whole other issue.
  7. If he wants to figure it out, it’s not hard. If a guy actually wanted to be a good boyfriend, he could do it pretty easily. That means if he still isn’t one, it’s because he doesn’t WANT to be one. If that’s the case, he probably doesn’t want to be in a relationship at all, so I’ll do him a favor and let him get back to the glorious life of being an eternal bachelor.
  8. I don’t think I’m asking for much. I’m not a demanding person. In fact, I’m a pretty low-maintenance girlfriend in general. I’m not asking for a guy to change his personality completely, be carved like a Greek god or make a ton of money. I’m simply asking for him to listen to me when I talk, care about my feelings and be there when I need him. If that’s too much for him, he’s not the guy for me.
  9. It has a lot to do with basic respect. Being a decent human being in general is about respecting the people around you. I’m not going to date a guy who doesn’t know how to show respect because that’s not really something I can or should have to teach him.
  10. Maybe we’re just not compatible.  He might be exactly what one girl is looking for, but that doesn’t automatically mean he’s what every girl is looking for. I have no interest in trying to change a guy or “train” him to be how I want him to be. If we’re not right for each other, there’s no point in trying to force it.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.