Can’t Get Past The First Date & Don’t Know Why? Here’s What’s Going Wrong

You reach a certain point in your single girl career where you seem to only go on first dates. Getting to that elusive second date becomes a totally distant memory, and you can’t even imagine being in a relationship. How do people make it that far? It’s not necessarily your fault, but you should be aware of why this is happening. If you can’t figure out why you can’t get past the first date, here’s what may be happening:

  1. You take it way too seriously. Guys can smell desperation from a mile away. If you treat every first date like you’re interviewing your future husband, it’s going to be pretty obvious. Forget everything except for staying in the moment. Sure, that may be super hard, but that’s the only way to find love.
  2. You think the guy owes you something. Specifically, you think he owes you a second date. But that’s just not the case. Once you can truly believe that a first date is just one evening — a few hours, max — and that you might see the guy again but you probably won’t, you can free yourself up to have more fun. Showing off your awesome personality is really all you can do right now.
  3. You haven’t met anyone who gets you. This is probably the most frustrating reason that your calendar is filled with first dates and nothing else. If second dates are the exception instead of the rule, it’s honestly because none of the guys that you’re meeting truly get you, and that’s okay. You don’t want to settle for someone who doesn’t understand who you are and what you’re all about. That would make for a super awkward and shallow relationship.
  4. You want a perfect date. Sometimes you’re not going on second dates because you’re turning every guy down who wants to see you again. That’s usually because the evening wasn’t super perfect and you won’t accept anything less. But perfect first dates don’t make perfect relationships — that’s like searching for the holy grail. If you had fun and weren’t bored to tears, the guy deserves another chance.
  5. You get way too nervous. Nerves are a totally normal part of the whole dating deal, and yet they can sabotage you before the evening even starts. How can a guy get to know you when you’re too anxious to even speak? Don’t be super silent or overly awkward and expect a second date. It’s just not happening.
  6. You don’t say you had fun. It’s not only up to the guy to mention a second date. You have a voice, so if you enjoyed meeting him, why not tell him? If he’s into you, he’ll be super relieved that you spoke up and he won’t be so afraid of rejection. You never know how many great guys you could be missing out on when you leave the first date without saying a single thing.
  7. You have first date deja vu. If you have a go-to bar, sure, that might make your life a million times easier. But it’s also going to make your first dates a million times more boring. Switch up the locations, and you might find that your dates feel a whole lot more exciting than just the same old, same old. Who knows, that could even be the key to meeting your next boyfriend.
  8. You’ve given up. You’re not the only single woman to feel like there’s no point trying to find a real relationship in a sea of hook-ups and dating disasters. But that’s exactly what’s killing your chances at a second date. When you act like you don’t even know why you’re on the first date, you’re giving off a super negative vibe and no guy is going to want to see you again.
  9. You’re too hung up on being worried about “settling.” Don’t be so scared of settling that you miss out on truly awesome guys. Sure, they might not have the exact qualities that you’re looking for, but that doesn’t mean they’re not the right ones for you. Fear ruins pretty much everything and you’re not going to get what you want if you’re too afraid to even try. What’s the worst that’s going to happen? You’re going to get a second date out of the whole deal and figure out if you like this guy or not. That sounds okay.
  10. You love being single more than you’d like to admit. Sometimes you self-sabotage because you don’t want to give up the incredible single life that you’ve created for yourself. There’s no real reason to feel this way. You can still do the things that you love and have the same awesome life if you get a boyfriend. You’ll just be making your life better and better. Don’t lose out on finding a partner because you’ve been so happy on your own so far.
  11. You’re so afraid of getting hurt that you set up roadblocks no guy could pass. It’s super normal to avoid second dates because you’ve been hurt before and you would rather die than go through that pain and heartache all over again. And yet it’s the worst thing you could possibly do. Opening yourself up to love means taking a pretty huge risk, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. You’re also giving yourself a chance to find a healthy and happy relationship, and that’s pretty cool.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.