If You Can’t Handle Being Alone, We Can’t Be Together

Most people don’t want to be single, but we all go through it at some point or another and it’s a necessary part of life that teaches us to be strong, independent and self-sufficient. Being alone may not be what you want, but it should be something you can do if necessary without going off the deep end. After all, if you can’t deal with being on your own then we’ll never make it as a couple. Here’s why:

  1. I can’t be the cure to your unhappiness. Further than that, I won’t be. I can’t have something as important as someone’s personal happiness depend on me, especially since I know that real happiness comes from within. I might cloud your pain for a little while, but I can’t take it away. That’s something you have to do on your own and until you do, we can’t be together.
  2. I deserve real love. Not love based on necessity. I don’t want you to love me just because I’m saving you from the single life. That’s being grateful, not being in love. I want you to love me for exactly the person I am. If you hate being single and you’re desperate to be in a relationship then you’re not brave enough to really love me. I don’t want to “save” you, I just want to be loved.
  3. I want more than casual. I want a real relationship. I want someone who’s ready to be serious, not just because he thinks it’s about time he has an actual relationship, but because he wants to be with me specifically. I want a man who’s happily single, not willing to do whatever it takes for love (or something that looks sorta like it). You should choose to be with me because I’m me, not just because I’m interested.
  4. You should be independent. I am, and I’ll continue to be independent no matter what my relationship status is. It’s healthy for us to spend time apart. It’s healthy for us to each have lives of our own and purpose. I won’t give up my career, my friends, my family or my hobbies and I’d never want you to do that either. We can be together, but not if it means either of us are sacrificing the lives we had before we met.
  5. Being single helps you grow. It might sound lame, but it’s the truth. When you learn how to be on your own, you learn what you want from others. You learn how to prioritize yourself and focus on yourself for a change. Instead of it all being about someone else, you finally take a look at your own needs. If you’re never alone, then you’ll never know what you want and need and then I’ll never be able to give it to you.
  6. If you can’t be alone, how can I trust you? If you always need someone, what happens when I’m not there? Will you just turn to someone else? I don’t want you to be with me out of convenience or purely because you need someone. I deserve better than that and frankly, so do you.
  7. I want to know that you love yourself. Being alone is all about developing a relationship with yourself. You can’t base your self-esteem on the women in your life. I don’t want to be the only thing that’s good in your life. If you don’t love yourself, how am I supposed to love you? I need you to be confident because I can’t be your only source of self-esteem.
  8. We each have to be whole on our own first. All that finding your other half stuff just means you weren’t complete on your own, but I am. I’m a whole person all by myself. I’m strong and I’m independent and I don’t need a guy or a relationship to complete me. I can survive on my own. At the end of the day, I’ll be with you because I want to be, not because I need to be. If you’re coming into things from the same position, we have a way better chance of making it work.
  9. I don’t want to be a rebound. If you jump from girl to girl then every new relationship is just a rebound of the last. I want to be sure you’ve cured your heartbreak. I’m not going to waste my time on a guy who’s hung up on some other girl. I’m nobody’s rebound. I’m the finish line, and if you’re not ready to cross it then we can’t be together.
  10. I need to know you want me, not just anybody. If you can’t be alone then you don’t just want me —you want a relationship. Almost any girl will do. There’s nothing special about me other than my interest in you. I want a man who loves me for me, not just because he wants to love somebody, anybody. I don’t want to be just anybody. I want to be “The One.”
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.