I Can’t Help It — I Need To Know About A Guy’s Exes

I’ve always thought it would be cool if I could get a guy’s exes in the same room together and find out exactly what he’s like and if he’s worthy of my time. Of course, this is unrealistic, so the next best thing is to find out as much as possible about my BF’s exes. Here’s why:

  1. I want to know if they’re pretty. Although a gentleman might not tell me that his last GF looked like Angelina Jolie with Kim Kardashian’s butt, I want to know if his exes are pretty (so I tend to look them up on social media). I admit this might be a way to torture myself but I can’t help it. I need to know what I’m up against. Also, it makes me feel better about myself to think that even though they were gorgeous, things didn’t work out. It shows me that the guy is more into substance than stunners.
  2. I need to know why they broke up. Why things ended with his ex is super important and tells me a lot about the guy. For example, if they broke up a few months ago because he admitted he cheated, this sends me warning signs that he could do it again. Knowing about the reasons for his breakups also helps me to understand what pisses him off, what his dealbreakers are and if we’re going to clash somewhere down the line because of them.
  3. What he says about his exes reveals stuff about him. What a guy says about his exes is really important. If they’re all crazy, it makes me wonder if he’s actually the one who’s crazy — or was causing them to lose their mind. On the other hand, if he can speak well about at least some of his exes, that’s a good sign. It shows that not all of his relationships crashed and burned and he was mature enough to see some exes for their good, not only bad, qualities.
  4. If he speaks too much about an ex, my alarm bells ring. Hearing about his exes is good, but if a guy has verbal diarrhoea about a specific ex, it gives me the impression he’s not completely over her. Same goes for if he spends a lot of time seeing or texting her. What’s up with that? This is info about a guy’s exes that I wouldn’t want to receive, but hey, it prevents me from wasting my precious time.
  5. I want to know how long they were together. A guy with a string of relationships that lasted a maximum of two or three months is not promising BF material! On the other hand, if he’s been in long-term setups, I’m intrigued that a woman stuck around for so long – he must have done something right.
  6. I want to know what he loved about her. Okay, this is dangerous territory. It’s always easy to know what a guy hated about his exes so I can laugh at the humorous anecdotes about the time one ex turned into a complete psychopath (while inwardly sighing in relief that I’m not like that). It’s much harder to hear how devoted he was to a fabulous ex who broke his heart. But I need to know what he adored about his exes because it shows me what he values in a relationship. Was she super supportive? Was she independent and did she give him space? Did she make him feel loved, flaws and all? I need to know so I can see how I measure up and perhaps how I can add a few extra things they missed. His exes paved the way for new relationships, after all!
  7. It’s bad if there are no exes. If a guy tells me that he doesn’t actually have exes, that’s troubling news. I immediately think that he’s had a lot of flings and one-night-stands, but nothing grown up enough to gain my attention. Every guy should have at least one woman who made him stronger, nicer and perhaps a better boyfriend.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.