If He Can’t Say These 11 Things Within The First Month Of Dating, I’m Out

I’m sick and tired of wasting my time on guys who lead me on and give me conflicting messages. I want to know where a guy’s head and heart are at, which is why I need to hear him say these things in the first month of dating me. I won’t wait around longer to hear them!

  1. “I want x from relationships.” I want him to tell me what he’s looking for from relationships so that I can tell if we’re on the same page or not. I’d hate to date the guy for weeks or months only to learn that he doesn’t believe in love or doesn’t want to be tied down. 
  2. “I really like you.” It might be too soon to tell me he loves me (maybe), but I want to hear that he likes me. Come on! We’ve been dating for a few weeks and he obviously knows if he has feelings for me or not by now. Besides, if he can say he really likes me, then chances are he’s getting closer to saying he loves me.
  3. “I want us to…” I want to know what he’s planning regarding us and our future. I’m not saying he has to talk about marriage and babies yet, but he should at least plan for things ahead of time. I want him to say, “I want us to go to that cool concert next week” or “I want us to be exclusive.” Which brings us to the next important point:
  4. “I want to make things official.” I want to know that the guy’s not wasting my time. I want him to want to be official and exclusive with me. That means no more Tinder dates and no kissing other women. It’s either me and me alone, or we’re done.
  5. “I want to meet your friends.” Right, it might be OTT for some people to meet the parents within the first month of their relationship, but I want the guy to want to meet my loved ones. It might be too early to pop around for tea at my folks’ place, but it’s certainly not too early to meet the friends.
  6. “Come see my place.” Yes! He should be keen to show me where he lives and let me hang out at his place every now and then instead of always hitting up my apartment for dates. That’s shady and makes me think he’s hiding something, like a live-in girlfriend.
  7. “I’m totally over my ex.” He might not phrase it exactly like this, but he should make it clear that his ex isn’t anywhere on his horizon. They might still be friends and that’s fine—as long as he makes it clear that he has no romantic feelings for her whatsoever. It’s not too much to ask that this is specified early on in a relationship.
  8. “I want to see you again.” Ideally, this should happen immediately after a first date with the guy. It just helps so that we both know that we want to see each other again. If he wants to make concrete plans for a second date, that’s great too! It’s not about being controlling or demanding—it’s just refreshing to find a guy who’s honest and goes for what he wants.
  9. “What are your life goals?” He’s not just making chit-chat. A guy who asks these types of questions is really figuring out where we both stand when it comes to our individual life goals. It’s important to know this right away so we can see if our futures are aligned or if some compromise is perhaps in order. The added bonus of this question is that it shows he’s taking an interest in getting to know what I’m about on a deeper level.
  10. “Let’s go for dinner instead of drinks.” Meeting for drinks or coffee is nice and easy, but when someone’s serious about me, they should make more of an effort. That’s where dinner dates come in. It might not be an expensive dinner at an elegant restaurant, and it doesn’t have to be. Cooking me a romantic dinner at his home is perfect. It gives us a chance to talk and get to know each other better. It also shows that he’s willing to make a real effort to show me that I’m special, instead of just rushing through drinks to get me back to his place for sex.
  11. “I’ve canceled my dating subscription.” This is an important one for me. Maybe we met on a dating app, or maybe we met in person but he mentioned in passing that he’d tried out some apps. Whatever the case, canceling dating apps is important within the first few weeks of dating someone new. It’s part of making things official and just as important as making the relationship Facebook official. It’s really his way of saying, “I only want to be with you.”
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.