You haven’t been in a proper relationship for a while, but that hasn’t kept you from obsessing over guys anytime one of them pays you a bit of attention. It’s like a switch flips: the minute he shows even the slightest sign of being interested, you lose your head and start to live and breathe him even if you barely know him. Here’s why this happens—there are a few different explanations.
- You haven’t learned how to enjoy your own company. One of the biggest reasons you’re guilty of obsessing over guys is that being alone isn’t a comfortable experience for you. You haven’t yet mastered the art of enjoying your own company, and because of that, you feel like you need a relationship to be happy. This means that whenever a potential partner comes along, you immediately attach yourself to him in the hope that he’ll save you from being solo.
- You’re afraid of dying alone. Similar to the above, you have a deep-seated fear of being on your own forever. This is especially true if you’re getting into your thirties. You used to think you’d be in a committed relationship by now and the fact that you’re not really freaks you out. Because of this, you end up obsessing over guys, wondering if this one is the one that will finally be your long-term partner.
- You’re insecure and need external validation. You rely on the men you date to compliment you and reassure you that you’re a valuable, attractive, intelligent, and worthwhile woman. This means that when you’re single, you end up lacking self-confidence and worrying that there’s something wrong with you. Because of this, you lose your mind over guys when they come around because you’re desperate for the attention and ego stroke they offer.
- You’re tired of being the only single one in your friend group. If all of your friends are in committed relationships and are always going on about how they want you to find “The One” as well, this can lead to obsessing over guys out of a desire to break the spell and join the pack. It makes sense but it never works. Eagerness to join the coupled up club isn’t going to make it any likelier to happen (or your relationship to be any healthier or sustainable).
- You’re trying to make up for your previous bad relationships. If you’ve been through one too many bad relationships, it makes sense that you’d be desperate to correct past mistakes and have healthier, happier relationships. However, obsessing over guys hoping one of them will give you the chance to improve your relationship resume isn’t the way to go.
- You put men on a pedestal. You think that men are akin to gods even if you don’t really know them, and that’s a big mistake. The truth of these guys is likely a lot less glamorous than you build it up to be in your head, but until you realize that, you’ll never be able to break the pattern.