If I Can’t Trust You, I Can’t Be With You

If I Can’t Trust You, I Can’t Be With You ©iStock/valentinrussanov

A good relationship is all about trust. We have to be able to trust each other on so many things: that we’re each keeping each other’s best interests at heart, that we’re not deliberately trying to hurt one another, that we’re respecting the boundaries we’ve set up in our relationship. Trust extends far past the idea of cheating (although that’s a big one!) and without it, we’re never going to be able to make this work. Here’s why.

  1. It’s our foundation. Sure, things started off between us based on other things, like chemistry and how hard you make me laugh. But for this to become a true relationship, we need trust at the center of it. That’s the only way we’ll be able to move forward.
  2. I’ll never snoop. That’s not an empty promise, either. The second I feel the need to start looking through your phone, we might as well be done. If I can’t trust you to tell me what’s up, there’s no reason why we should be together. It’s as simple as that, really.
  3. I need my privacy. I extend trust to you because I need it in return. I’m never going to hand over my passwords or merge our Facebook profile into one (ew). I’m always going to need my own time and space to be an individual, and you’ll just have to trust that I’m doing right by you when I’m not around you.
  4. Jealousy becomes no one. I’ve never really been the jealous type, but the few times that it’s overtaken my better instincts, I haven’t liked what I saw in the mirror. Jealousy is based out of insecurity, every time, and nobody likes to admit that. I’d rather be secure in what we have together, and forget worrying about what you might have with someone else. That’s the kind of worrying that does no good to anyone.
  5. We need it to fight fair. We’re going to fight. Any healthy relationship will have disagreements from time to time – because we’re two separate people, and we see the world differently. But fighting fair requires entering the argument without a desire to hurt each other or tear the other person down. This means we’ve got to keep the trust we have between us, even when we’re at each other’s throats.
  6. It helps me to forgive. We’ll slip up. It happens from time to time. Maybe it’s something we need to work on. But when you hurt me, you’ve got the power to hurt me bad. I’m invested in this thing between us, and I can’t just walk away. That’s where my ability to forgive comes in. If I’m able to trust that you’re not trying to wound me, I’ll be able to forgive more easily.
  7. I never want to doubt you. You’re important to me, and this relationship is too. I don’t want to be tempted by doubt and worry every time something seems off with us. I think you might feel the same. Establishing a mutually assured trust is only beneficial to both of us, really. I don’t want to think the worst of you – and trust enables me to keep on thinking only the best.
Becca Rose is a writer with high hopes for her student loan debt. She's a musician and aspiring novelist, but don't ask her to write poetry, because she's terrible at it. She has written for HelloGiggles, The Toast, The Huffington Post, and more. You can find her on Twitter @bookbeaut