Casual Sex Is Great… Until The Guy Does These 10 Things

Finding a decent guy to have no-strings sex with shouldn’t be hard, right? After all, I’m sure there are plenty of dudes out there who would be more than happy to engage in a casual hookup because like me, they’re not looking for a relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes a situation that started out as fun gets messy when the guy does one of these things.

  1. He spends 45 minutes detailing his personal drama. The foundation for great casual sex is less talk and more action. Sure, there will be some conversation between us, but I’m not his girlfriend or his therapist. A guy who won’t shut up about his troubles, work promotion, boss, or the trauma of breaking up with his girlfriend of 10 years should just find someone else to open his heart to. Besides, the key to great no-strings sex is to maintain a level of mystery and allure.
  2. He thinks it’s OK to act totally unromantic. I get it, dude— we’re just having fun. Still, you don’t need to let one rip as soon as we’re done cuddling. Casual sex may not call for flowers and chocolates, but please let’s keep it decent.
  3. He has a “no sleepover” policy. To be clear here, I too like to spend the night alone in the comforts of my own bed. Just because we had sex we don’t have to endure each other’s snoring and elbowing during the night, but it’s basic human courtesy to allow someone to use the other half of your bed when it’s 3 a.m. and you just had an orgasm together. You must be a major douchebag not to do so.
  4. When condoms come out, he acts surprised and then comes up with excuses. I’m not planning to catch an STD or get knocked up by a random guy, so refusing to wrap it in a condom is a major red flag for me and I’ll be on my way.
  5. He asks for “extra help” to hold an erection. I have no issues with going down on a guy and I expect him to do his part too. But if it takes ages to get him ready, it’s just not worth it. The whole point of casual sex is to be intimate with someone with whom we share mind-blowing sexual chemistry. He might be totally bad for a boyfriend and that’s perfect—he isn’t supposed to be boyfriend material anyway—but hitting it off in bed is a minimum requirement.
  6. He’s sexting a lot but not doing the things he promises he’ll do. I’m personally not a fan of sexting, but if a guy feels like he needs to express himself this way, sure, why not. However, he needs to show me that he actually plans to deliver before he sends me dozens of text messages detailing the things he’d do in a hypothetical scenario. Moreover, reading about a guy’s fantasies really doesn’t do anything for my libido. The more he texts, the more I’m worried he’s all talk and no action.
  7. When a ‘serious’ date becomes available, he flakes on me. I get it—this is a casual hookup and not a relationship. Still, I don’t appreciate him changing our plans at the last minute just because something else came up. I know that he has a life and so do I, but there’s nothing inferior in the arrangement we have made between is just because it doesn’t classify as a romantic relationship.
  8. He tries too hard to show me this isn’t a relationship. Just because we’re about to have no strings-sex it doesn’t mean he has the right to disrespect me. I get it, this isn’t a date, but it’s a bit presumptuous of him to think that I’m trying to get a relationship out of this. Just because I’m treating him like a human being doesn’t mean that I see him as my future husband. Some guys just need to grow up.
  9. After sex, he asks me if he can get my friend’s phone number. Seriously, he was inside me like three minutes ago and now he’s asking me if my friend is seeing someone? I may not see this guy seriously but that doesn’t mean I’m OK with that crap. The fact that he thinks this is normal shows me that this guy doesn’t respect the rules of casual sex.
  10. He wants us to sleep in a cuddling position like two lovebirds. Spending the night in someone else’s bed is hard enough, but it’s even worse having to fall asleep in an uncomfortable position with a guy breathing down my neck. Cuddles should be reserved for people who are dating and are open to the possibility of true love. Casual sex should never require an emotional investment. Sure, we can have a pizza together, but too many dating activities such as frequent dinners, cuddles, and holding hands are just not necessary.
Chrisa is a freelance travel and lifestyle journalist who is obsessed with urban life, big cities, and untold stories.