Casual Sex Is Cool But It’s Starting To Destroy My Soul

I hate to state the obvious, but casual sex is everywhere these days. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially since it allows room for experimentation and exploration. Still, my ego could only take a beating for so long until the whole thing started to get old.

I’m not being taken seriously.

Sex is the most intimate thing you can do with another person, so yeah, I consider it a serious decision if I choose to sleep with someone. What really gets me down is that most people don’t see it this way, and a lot of the time I’m not taken seriously as a human being. I’m constantly objectified and only looked at as a series of body parts instead of a person with thoughts and feelings.

I’m not

given a fair chance. I’m someone who loves forming connections with those around me. I make fast friends and I’m fascinated with learning about their interests, hobbies, and what experiences make them who they are. When it comes to casual sex, everyone is determined to avoid getting to know their hookup in fear of catching feelings. Even though I give everyone a fair shot from the beginning, I always feel like I’m never given that same chance to show them the type of person I am inside.

I’m tired of being called in for backup.

Being hit up at a decent time on a Tuesday for some good sex is fun; being hit up on Saturday night at 4 a.m. when your hookup couldn’t pull another girl at the bar is not. I’m not saying that I’m opposed to meeting up around normal booty call time, but after a certain point, it becomes pretty obvious that I’m only considered to be the backup plan. Casual sex or not, I’m not anyone’s second choice. I’m their first option and I’m sick of being treated any other way.

I question my self-worth.

After a while of the same old song and dance, it’s hard not to wonder if all I’m worth are half-assed situationships that never turn into anything substantial. These circumstances make me question my character as well as second-guessing my own reactions and responses. I replay scenarios in my head to make sure I’m not overlooking something outrageous that I may have said or done. I start to think that I’m the reason things never seem to progress and that’s an extremely unhealthy thought process.

I compare myself to other girls.

It’s kind of crazy, but I can honestly say the only time I compare myself to other women is when I’m hooking up with a guy who basically doesn’t give a crap about me. Since my affairs are always open-ended, I can’t help but wonder what other women they might be talking to and what features they might possess that I don’t have. Instead of appreciating my own beauty and celebrating my flaws, I search for ways to fix things that aren’t broken. At the end of the day, the only person I need to please is myself. I need to remember that more often.

I’m not in control.

As an OCD Virgo, it comes to no shock to me that I internally freak out when I’m put into situations that I have zero control over. When it comes to casual relationships, everything is up in the air and there are never any set ground rules. Feelings are never determined or discussed and it makes me a nervous wreck not knowing how someone else feels about me. On the other hand, I’m always hesitant to tell the other person how I feel if I do happen to catch feelings, and that causes even more anxiety knowing that I have no say in how the situation goes.

The

games are confusing. Unless you’re in high school, game playing is exhausting, misleading and detrimental to any peace of mind. It’s not enjoyable to have someone perform voodoo on your brain by sending mixed signals and acting hot and cold. I’m no longer in the mood to decipher texts or body language to understand someone’s intentions with me—I’d prefer to be told outright what the deal is, even if the affair has no potential whatsoever.

I crave more attention.

As much as I hate to admit it, the truth is that I desire more attention than I’m getting from the guys I sleep with. This makes me feel unimportant or overlooked. When you’re taking part in something that personal, it’s easy to get lost in the moment and want to feel those same emotions all the time. When push comes to shove and the deed is done, I feel empty inside knowing those desires are fleeting until the next rendezvous.

I’m selling myself short.

I know what qualities I bring to the table when it comes to my relationships. I have the capacity to be an incredible partner, understanding lover, and compassionate friend. All of my amazing characteristics go to waste when someone only wants to experience the physical and never unlock the intangibles.

I’m not being treated with the respect and reverence I deserve.

I’m never one to feed my own ego, but I know what I deserve and what I refuse to tolerate. In every single one of my encounters, I always make sure I’m mindful and considerate of the other person’s feelings, time, and boundaries. After doing this for so long, I’m beginning to feel drained, unappreciated, and neglected. I don’t need a knight in shining armor, but it would be nice to have the respect I show others be reciprocated once in a while.

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