I Used To Chase Guys But Now I Know That Love Will Find Me When I’m Ready

I’ve tried everything to find love. I’ve tried waiting patiently but patience isn’t my strong suit. I’ve tried getting out there and being aggressive. None of it has worked, so I’m finally giving up on pushing something unnaturally. Here’s why I’m relenting to fate to bring me the guy and relationship of my dreams.

  1. I’ve let go of worry. I’ve spent far too much of my life worrying about things I can’t control, especially men and romance. I’m finally accepting that if a guy doesn’t want to be with me, I can’t change his mind, no matter how dumb I think he’s being. Sure, maybe I can convince him to stick around for a little bit, but he’ll always end up leaving. What’s the point? I deserve someone who really wants me and I’m going to wait until it happens.
  2. I can’t make love happen. Believe me, I’ve tried. I get lonely and frustrated that no man sees my value, so I’ve tried to thrust my value upon them. It only makes them run away. I truly do want something that happens organically, but when it’s not happening I get scared and start acting out of fear. I’m going to breathe, let go of my anxiety, and trust that when it’s supposed to happen for me it will.
  3. I need to focus and be present. I don’t have enough time to keep wasting it worrying about men. I have so much that I want to accomplish in other areas. I’m not getting younger and I already know that relationships don’t solve my problems. It’s better to live my life fully in the moment and take what happens as it comes. I think that’s how I’ll ultimately end up meeting the right guy anyway.
  4. I know that loving myself first is key. It’s a cheesy saying, but it’s really true that you can’t love someone else until you love yourself. I’ve been working on that and the results are well worth it. I have more self-confidence than ever before. This, in turn, seems to mean that a lot of guys are now intimidated by me, and dating is actually more difficult than it was before. That’s why I’m letting go and trusting in the universe.
  5. I’ve realized that I can survive without love indefinitely. I believe in love, I really do. I believe that it’s essential for a healthy and full life. I also believe that this love comes from many places—friends, family, strangers, animals, nature, myself—not purely from a man. I’d like to find romantic love that lasts, but I know that it’s hard to come by. If I have to be alone, I can do it. This has allowed me to stop grasping and let love find me in due time.
  6. I trust something bigger than myself. I’m not religious but I am spiritual. I think that things happen for a reason, even if the reason is that I’m making misguided choices and need to get back to the root of who I am. I know that the dating decisions I’ve made recently aren’t authentic and that’s why they’re failing. This knowledge propelled me to focus on simplicity. I know that when I’m in the right place, I’ll be more likely to get what I want.
  7. I don’t think I’m quite ready yet. I’ve concluded that I still have some work to do. I dated someone recently for a few months and it brought up a lot of issues I thought I’d solved. While it was a good lesson, and I know some of my problems can only be resolved by facing them head-on, it also showed me that I’m still not picking the right partners. It’s not all my fault but I think that love won’t find me until I’m more grounded.
  8. My impatience gets me nowhere in love. Patience isn’t my strong suit, and that definitely doesn’t serve me well when it comes to dating. I have a hard time taking it slow and seeing where things go. This means that I end up jumping in immediately and finding out too late that it’s not the right fit after all. I’m deciding that I need to let life take the reins and chill out because clearly, my approach isn’t successful.
  9. I’ve figured out that searching isn’t working. I want to make something happen and I want it to happen right now. I want my perfect man to come along and find me so that I can get along with my life already! Obviously, I need to just get on with it regardless and stop worrying about the romance side of things. All I can do is keep improving and trust that I’ll attract someone good for me.
  10. My frustration has given way to acceptance. I literally give up. I’m tired of trying so hard to find love around every corner. It’s exhausting, it’s distracting, and it takes away from my general life experience. I have to let go, be present, and actively live in the moment. They say love finds you when you least expect it, and I think that’s because you’re so happy and fulfilled in your life that you aren’t worried about it. My goal is to get to that place.
  11. I know that if I continue to take care of my life, love will take care of itself. I strive to be a happy, positive, kind human being. I want to radiate that out into the world. If I am truly content and fulfilled, love will follow. I trust in that now. I used to worry that I’d never find love, but my self-love grows every day. I enjoy my life and I hope that I am a positive force in the lives of those around me. I’m doing my best and I’m letting go of any expectations from other people. They don’t serve me.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.