Trying to forgive and forget once my partner had broken my trust and cheated on me was one of the hardest things I had to do. Looking back on my situation, I should’ve walked away the second I discovered he was screwing around behind my back, but I stayed and I regret it to this day. Here’s why:
He Didn’t Change. As much as he begged and pleaded for me to give him another chance, and no matter how many times he promised to change, he never did. It was almost as if cheating was something that was ingrained his DNA. Yeah, I know, I’m still making excuses for him. But my point is, he never changed because didn’t have it in him to change at all. It was like a neverending cycle of getting back together, him cheating, me threatening to leave him, and us trying to work things out. I wasted so much time on someone who never had any plans on changing.
I Lost Respect for Myself. I lost respect for myself and in return, I knew he lost respect for me, too. Letting him back in my life after he did me wrong set a precedent that it was okay for him to disrespect me and our relationship.
My Self-Esteem Was Non-Existent. I felt like complete crap once I found out what was going on behind my back. I started to question why I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough to keep him interested. Looking back on it, I know I did nothing wrong, and it wasn’t right for me to blame myself for his actions, but living through that hell really did a number on my self-esteem.
He Was Never Truly Sorry. Sure, he apologized a million times, but he was never really sorry. Someone who truly wants forgiveness will make the necessary changes to make sure they don’t lose the one they love. But when it came to him, he really didn’t give a damn at all. I regret taking him back because he was never really sorry for what he did. It was all a game to him.
I Knew Things Would Never Be the Same. Before his cheating was exposed, I guess you could say I was delusional. I was insanely happy in our relationship and I really thought the two of us would be together forever. But then, things changed, and I knew it could never be the same again. I didn’t look at him the same way, and I could barely muster up a smile when we were together.
I Was Always Paranoid. I was completely paranoid about everything. I always wondered who was calling him when his phone rang, would try to peer over his shoulder when he answered a text message, and my mind would race with thoughts like, “What if he cheats again?” every time he left the house without me. I was always stressing out and exhausting myself with the possibility of him cheating on me again.
Everything Went Downhill Once the Trust Was Broken. Cheating was the catalyst to our relationship problems, but soon enough, we were dealing with a bunch of other issues that could never be resolved. With the cheating came even more arguments and resentment.
I Never Trusted Him Again. I didn’t realize how much trust was important in a relationship until mine was completely broken. It changed the entire dynamics of our relationship, and it left me with nothing but a bunch of doubts. I would always accuse him of lying, and it was pretty difficult to believe anything that came out of his mouth.
It Made Me Vengeful. I’ve never been a vengeful type of person, but after he did what he did, I actually considered getting revenge. It’s not even in my nature to cheat, but I wanted him to feel the exact pain, if not more than, what he put me through. This is how I knew his cheating had completely changed me for the worse. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
Everyone Knew and I Felt Like an Idiot. His friends knew, his family knew, and I felt like I was left out in the cold. These people would smile in my face knowing what was going on behind my back. Once the truth came out about his cheating, I couldn’t even look at his family and friends the same way. I know their allegiance was with him, but I still felt betrayed. When I took him back, I felt a sense of embarrassment. I wondered what they would all think of me. Would they call me weak? Would they laugh behind my back? I didn’t expect anyone to understand or support my choice, but the thought of being looked at like a fool was devastating for me.