Cheating from a guy is a total relationship deal breaker in my book. Admittedly, however, I may have a partial double standard here because one time it was me, and to be honest, I didn’t even feel bad about it. Being a cheater is totally lame and it’s such a crappy thing to do, but here’s what was going through my mind when I did it so you can decide for yourself what you think.
We were in such a bad place.
In hindsight, I should have either just ended things beforehand or put more effort into fixing our relationship instead. It was totally unnecessary to sleep with someone else while still committed. But at the time, I just wanted to get away from what I was in and this seemed like the perfect escape from the turmoil we were going through. We had too much fighting going on and not enough make-up sex to offset the aggravations of not getting along.
I had a strong connection with the other guy.
To be fair to the dude I cheated on, I shouldn’t have even been with him at all from the start. I still wasn’t over my ex and the pull toward him was too intense for me to resist. It was wrong of me since the beginning of my new relationship to allow a rebound situation to take place. The guy I was with never stood a chance at all and that was on me.
I was lacking proper closure.
Piggybacking off my last point, I wasn’t all to blame. The guy I was with knowingly swooped in too quickly after my ex and I broke up. He was well aware of our relationship and exactly when it ended, so it was a mutual mistake on both our parts really. I know he liked me and was excited I was finally available, but experts advise not to move on until you’re able to process what happened with your prior relationship. While there is no set amount of time for this healing process, as it is an individual journey, I’m pretty sure none isn’t a recommended option. We didn’t adhere to this advice whatsoever and our situation backfired. I could never really get fully invested in my new setup because I was still dealing with grieving the loss of the last one and he showed no restraint when trying to force me off the market prematurely.
Our sex life was dull.
Don’t crucify me for this one. I know placing weight on a physical connection may sound superficial, but having a strong physical attraction and chemistry is a priority to me. It’s critical to recognize what your preferences and needs are in a relationship. Settling or forcing yourself into something that isn’t meant for your taste is bargaining for destined failure. This is why we test drive cars before we buy them.
I was just young.
Am I the only one who considers breaking at least one person’s heart in your lifetime a rite of passage? We are so quick to point the finger at toxic people and their destructive habits, but the sad reality is we’re all probably responsible for playing that role at some point in someone else’s story. It’s so much easier to focus on who has done us wrong than to admit how we’ve negatively impacted other people’s lives and possibly have failed ourselves and others in the past. We’ve all had moments we needed to learn and grow from.
It’s happened to me.
Hurt people hurt people. After encountering a few players and having my heart straight up broken by my ex, I became detached from feelings when it came to relationships. If those guys could do it to me so easily, then why not do it myself? Better yet, may as well get to it first so I’m not the fool yet again. Since I had been mistreated, I felt I had the right to wrong someone else to get even with the Universe.
It was just an isolated event.
I’ve always thought of the label “cheater” as being part of someone’s identity. I didn’t feel like I qualified to fit the description because it wasn’t a habit of mine. I was able to dissociate from my actions through this justification. It wasn’t who I was regularly, it was just one thing I did that one time. I didn’t plan it or have this ongoing emotional affair leading up to it. It literally just happened and didn’t occur again. To this day, I still haven’t cheated on anyone else.
Confessing didn’t feel worth it.
Telling him what happened ending up creating so many more problems on top of the ones we already had. It kind of distracted from the actual incident of cheating itself because of how much spiraled out of control after. He got so irritable about everything and it just seemed like he was in a mood and nagging all day long. I forgot what I even did wrong because I was so busy tiptoeing around him and uncomfortable. This just felt like a new issue to deal with and it made me regret even telling him that I messed up. Not only that, but he continued to bring it up over and over as an excuse for his intolerable attitude and I just wanted to stop hearing about it. I knew what I did and was ready to be constructive about moving forward.
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