Believe it or not, good guys who believe in courtship and expressing appreciation and affection do exist — they’re just extremely rare. Chivalry isn’t dead, you’re just dating the wrong guys.
Weeding out players is so hard. Modern dating culture has bred a new kind of guy who doesn’t care about putting in effort or showing compassion towards you or your feelings. It’s a sad reality but it’s true that guys have changed when it comes to dating. They’re hyper-focused on sex and settle down way later now because of BS issues with commitment. It’s true when they say it’s not you, it’s him.
Most guys are clueless. Let’s be real here — most guys don’t have a clue about what real courtship is all about. As far as they know, it only happens in romantic comedies — the ones they dread watching. It’s not as if you’re looking for an over the top romantic gesture, but having a guy show up with flowers and actually texting you back within a reasonable amount of time doesn’t seem like a whole lot to ask, right?
Players are everywhere. From penis pics, ghosting, using you for sex and the new phenomenon of being benched and put into a rotation, idiot guys are in large supply — but that doesn’t mean those good guys aren’t still out there as well. Think of dating like a carnival game: Yes, you’ll waste a ton of money and sanity losing several rounds, but eventually you’ll win that giant teddy bear that makes the whole thing worthwhile.
You don’t need to settle for BS, so don’t. You’re under zero obligation to stick around and get treated like crap or like less than what you deserve. If a guy isn’t rising to the occasion to earn your fabulous self in his life, free yourself from his grip. You’re better than his BS and you don’t need to waste your time when you could be on your way to better things.
Modern chivalry comes in new forms too. We get lost in the idea that chivalry is a hard copy list of manners that were established decades before us, but things have changed. Romance isn’t what it once was, but it still exists. Yes, when he texts you “good morning, beautiful” and shows up for a movie night with your favorite wine and a pizza, these are things that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Modern chivalry is a new ballgame — pay close attention.
The right guy is going to show you he’s worth it. The saying that you need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince has a whole new meaning in today’s dating culture — it’s more true and apparent than ever before. Some girls are lucky AF and get to the good guy after only a few player frogs, and some have to kiss what seems like a million players before they come across that one guy. The moral of the story is that the one good guy eventually comes along, so hang in there.
Sometimes you have to experience the worst to appreciate the best. If you really think about it, beyond all the complaints you have about all those guys you’ve wasted energy on, the guy who’s finally right for you and treats you like the hot commodity babe that you are is going to make every bit of pain and insanity worth it. You need to go through the hard times to truly appreciate the good things in life and your adventures in love are no different.
Chivalry isn’t that hard; guys are just lazy. It’s not that most guys don’t know how to be chivalrous, it’s just that they’re mostly too lazy to make a true effort. You’re not picking the wrong guys, it’s just the society we live in now. Before you resolve to swear off guys completely or to give in to some guys who hardly lifts a finger to make you feel special and cared for, remember this: every lazy players is bringing you one step closer to the guy who will care about you and make an effort show it.
You’re worth the effort. You shouldn’t feel bad for having standards — you deserve to have them. It might seem like chivalry is long gone and that penis pics, ghosting and these atrocious behaviors are here to stay, but it’s totally not the case. Chivalry isn’t dead, you’re just dating players. The unicorn still awaits.
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