Never Put A Guy Before Your Dreams — You’ll Always Regret It

Dreams are important, much more so than finding your dream guy. Although he’s an alluring prospect, never — and I do mean NEVER — trade in your dream-chasing for man-chasing or you’ll end up seriously regretting it.

  1. Your dreams will never let you down. Men can (and do) disappoint you, but your dreams are something that will never hurt you. Sure, you might experience rejection when chasing them, but they won’t wake up one morning and decide that they’re leaving you for your younger sister.
  2. You can change your dreams to suit you. You can’t change a bad man into a good man, but you can change how you approach your dreams. If your strategy to achieve success isn’t working, you can try others to achieve them. The possibilities are endless because you’re in control. How you work your dreams is totally up to you. It’s a love project that’s completely in your hands and doesn’t depend on anyone else. Everyone deserves to have one part of their life that’s solely theirs to enjoy and watch flourish.
  3. You need a life before you get a boyfriend. In the book “All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise,” author Daylle Deanna Schwartz says that pursuing your passions is part of getting your own life without depending on a romantic partner for it. If you can pursue these interests and goals, you’ll also get comfortable with yourself. This empowers you not just in a relationship but in life in general.
  4. Your dream is essentially your life plan. You should know what goals you have but also where you want to go in your life before you get your dream man. This enables you to stay on track with living the life you want instead of falling into the trap of following your partner and his dreams. That only leads you to a dead-end, on the corner of Disappointment and Dissatisfaction. Don’t build a house there. It’s a crappy neighborhood.
  5. Love can be a distraction. When you fall in love, you can’t help but get swept up in the feeling for a while. But love can also be a more long-term distraction from your life and your dreams, which makes it unhealthy in these cases. If you don’t have a strong foundation of your own life before getting into a relationship, you can easily lose yourself.
  6. Happiness is an inside job. Too many people hope that their partners will make them happy, but this is risky. It means that you’re at the whim of another person’s opinions and desires, completely missing out on the truth that happiness is all about YOU. If you take responsibility for your own life and chase down dreams that make you feel good, you’re on your way to being healthier, happier and getting into relationships that complement this state of being.
  7. Your relationship should support your dreams, not the other way around. Instead of getting into a relationship and then finding dreams to chase, you should choose your dreams first and then find the right kind of relationship that supports them. If you’re choosing to make your relationship your main priority, you’re missing out on finding fulfillment within yourself. Your dreams should be what get you up in the morning, what motivates you and fuels you. They’re a part of you that you shouldn’t compromise for anyone, not even your perfect man.
  8. You need to complete you. A relationship isn’t going to complete you and most importantly it shouldn’t be used to do that! It should complement you and your life — the life you already have and which you feel excited about. Only you can complete yourself, and you can do that by doing things in life that matter to you and make your life beautiful. Fall in love with your life before you fall in love with a man and you’ll never be alone.
  9. Don’t sabotage your own lifeYou only get one life and it passes so quickly. Don’t waste it waiting around for your perfect man to come along or allowing your partner to cloud your dreams. This will only leave you feeling unsatisfied. Love yourself more than your partner so that you don’t lose sight of what you need in life to be happy and what you’ve dreamed about since you were a child. Those things matter!
  10. Marriage is not an achievement. Marriage is something beautiful, yes, but it’s not something you accomplish. It shouldn’t be your dream. If it’s your main goal that blots out anything else you wanted in your life, then there’s a problem — you’re looking to marriage to fulfill you, setting yourself up for disappointment. Focus on your dreams and other things that are important to you and you’ll realize just how worthy you are, with or without a marriage certificate.
  11. Your dreams are what make you unique. There are many great qualities you have, and one of them is what sets your soul on fire. Those dreams and passions you have are meant to be used. If you toss them aside because of love, you’re only hurting yourself and building up a list of regrets you’ll remember on your deathbed when it’s too late to do anything about them.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.