I Choose To Love My Boyfriend Every Day And It’s Not Always Easy

On the outside, my friends think that I have the perfect relationship. I do have a great one, but what they don’t realize is that it takes a ton of work to keep it that way. I choose to love and be with my boyfriend every day, but it isn’t always easy.

  1. He’s amazing but he’s not perfect. I feel really privileged to be in a relationship with a thoughtful, supportive, and loving guy like him. Still, he doesn’t always display those qualities. Sometimes he interrupts me when I’m talking (my biggest pet peeve ever), he’s pretty sloppy, and he can be pretty immature sometimes for a guy approaching 30. It amazes me how quickly these things can infuriate me despite the fact that he’s generally a really awesome guy. Whenever he deviates from being the “perfect” boyfriend, I have to take a deep breath and remember that he’s only human and not let such silly things get the better of me.
  2. I battle complacency all of the time. In my past relationships, I grew accustomed to the comfort that I established with my significant others and took it for granted until I became complacent. Before I knew it, we stopped having sex, we stopped taking care of ourselves, and we were more codependent than in love. We didn’t make an intentional choice to be together, we just figured that was the easiest option. I don’t want that to happen with this guy, so I actually have to be present and make the mindful choice every day to love him.
  3. We’re not the same people we were when we met. We’ve grown in several ways together but we’ve also grown as individuals as well. Recently, we experienced individual growth and changes that affected our dynamic as a couple. At the time when it all started to unfold, I was nervous about our future. I couldn’t see myself without him but I didn’t understand how our new selves would fit together. Hunkering down and mindfully choosing him despite the scariness has helped me move past it and embrace who we are in this stage of our individual lives and our relationship.
  4. Our interracial relationship can take its toll. Since we’re an interracial couple, we frequently have conversations about race, politics, and other social issues probably more frequently than other non-interracial couples do because some of the events that happen in the world often directly affect our relationship. Sometimes these conversations get heavy and sad. Sometimes I feel like my relationship is a part of the resistance against prejudice and racism, but other times I just wish that I didn’t have to deal at all. It’s times like these when choosing my boyfriend and my relationship is so important and sometimes can feel extremely burdensome.
  5. Sometimes I struggle not to call him out on certain things. Over the course of this relationship, I’ve come to realize that calling him out every time he does something that irks me to my soul isn’t the best for my relationship. It gets me worked up and puts him under pressure, so I’ve worked really hard to just stay super zen and just keep it cute sometimes because the end result doesn’t always make me feel good. Plus, it makes the times when we do argue much more meaningful when it’s not a constant battle.
  6. I’ve reached peak levels of intimacy with my boyfriend and it’s not all roses. I see my boyfriend pretty much all damn day aside from when we’re working. We’ve reached peak intimacy in our relationship, and sometimes it isn’t all that sexy or fun. Sometimes it’s mundane and it’s often routine. We have to work to make sex happen otherwise it won’t. We have to intend to dress up to go out on dates, otherwise, we’ll live in our sweats. It’s work and it’s normal.
  7. I don’t feel bad anymore about taking me-timeTaking time for myself doesn’t mean that I don’t choose my boyfriend or our relationship, it just means that I prioritize myself first at that time. The way I look at it, making necessary time for myself is the vehicle that allows me to choose my boyfriend and our relationship regularly. Like they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup. When I feel myself going a little crazy in all of the intimacy we share, I let him know that I need some time alone and I refill my cup. I head to the nail salon with friends, go for a run, or treat myself to dinner alone. 
  8. I can’t imagine my life without him and that terrifies me. I’m at the point with my boyfriend where I can’t imagine my life without him. While the thought makes me feel happy, safe, and secure, I also know that if he left me or if we broke up, I’d be picking all the pieces of my scattered heart up off of the floor. It’s not that I’m anticipating the end, it’s more like I’m recognizing how deeply I love him, how much I depend on him, and how it would tear me up inside to be without him. Knowing that I’ve given him that much power has me shook and sometimes makes me want to detach a little bit for fear that I’m losing the part of me I need to reserve in case of a heartbreak. I guess I just need to keep the faith.
Marie is an ambitious millennial woman, leading a corporate life by day and doing her best to live, laugh and love.