I Choose My Partners—I Don’t Wait To Get Chosen

I Choose My Partners—I Don’t Wait To Get Chosen

Some people are content to let potential partners pursue them, but that’s not my style. I know the type of partner I’m looking for and when I find someone who fits the bill, this is why I have no qualms about zeroing in on them and making the first move.

  1. I go after what I want. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been a go-getter. It’s always been easy for me to set my sights on a target and figure out the path I need to take to get there, and I’ve applied that part of my personality to my love life as well. Once I decide that I like someone, I don’t putz around and hope that they like me too; I make the first move without hesitation.
  2. I’m not scared to take the lead. I totally get why some people want the person they’re crushing on to initiate conversations, dates, and all other interactions, but I don’t have a terrible fear of rejection. Sure, I know it’ll hurt if the person I like turns me down, but the worst they can do is say “no,” right? Not everyone is into the way I take the reins when it comes to love and dating, but it just makes it that much easier to weed out the potential partners who are intimidated by strong women.
  3. Most people don’t meet my standards. If I wait around for someone to pick me, I’m going to be waiting around a long time. I’ve tried sitting back and waiting to get chosen before, and it left me sifting through a bunch of people I definitely wouldn’t have picked for myself. Nowadays, I find people who fit my standards and go after them, and it’s made dating so much easier.
  4. I don’t like wasting time. I’m a busy gal and I don’t have time to pluck petals off a daisy asking whether he likes me or likes me not. Some people can take forever to decide whether they want to pursue someone or not, and frankly, I’m not willing to wait for them to make up their minds. I’d rather choose who I want and make the first moves so my intentions are clear from the start and we can move things along.
  5. It’s only fair. The times are changing, and women are making the first move more often, but there’s still a societal expectation for men to be the ones to pick the women they want to date rather than the other way around. I don’t think it’s reasonable to keep expecting the guys to do all the work, so I’m happy to do my part to bring about change in the modern dating world by getting things started.
  6. I know what I bring to the table. I’m far from perfect but I know I’m a catch. I didn’t always have this confidence, though, and it led me to sit back and hope that some guy out there would take an interest in me. Now I’ve been in the dating game long enough to see that I’d be doing myself a disservice by thinking that I was “lucky” to attract someone. I know I’m a great partner, and it gives me the assurance I need to go after the type of people I’d like to date.
  7. I’m too old for games. Playing coy for months on end was acceptable when I was younger, but at this point in my life, it gets very dull very quickly. I’m a grown woman who wants to date other grown people, and that’s not going to happen if I don’t have the courage to initiate the relationships I’d like to have. I know if I play the role of a timid little girl, that’s how I’m going to be treated, and I’m not into that at all.
  8. I hate the feeling of not knowing if someone’s into me. I’m 100% that person who overanalyzes punctuation and emojis in text messages, so part of my reason for picking the people I want to date is to take the guesswork out of it all. If I pursue someone and they aren’t into it, I can move on with my life. If they are into it, we can see where things go. Either way, I never have to worry about “just talking” for months and months without knowing how they feel about me.
  9. I’m not a princess in a tower. The idea of waiting around for The One to pop into my life and “rescue” me from singlehood isn’t my thing. I’m perfectly happy on my own, and if I find someone worthy of changing that, I’ll make the right moves to make them my partner. I take an active role in my relationships from start to finish, and I can’t do that if I’m just waiting around for someone to sweep me off my feet.
  10. I’m not the type to settle. My high standards mean that I rarely find people I like enough to date, but I refuse to lower them just for the sake of being in a relationship. By waiting for someone to pick me, I run the risk of letting loneliness or boredom convince me to be with someone I’m not completely nuts about, and that doesn’t appeal to me at all. I’d much rather go after someone I really like and get rejected than accept someone into my life who I wouldn’t choose for myself.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu blue belt. She's currently hanging out in Costa Rica with her cat and a lot of really big bugs.