Recently, Instagram influencer Bri Dietz drew the ire of thousands of her followers when she posted a photo of herself with her partner, who was holding a sign which read “Helping out with housework so you can get lucky is called choreplay.” It’s a gross but all-too-common concept that a lot of couples inexplicably seem to think is normal. What the hell?
Choreplay as a concept as a gross. The general idea is that the guy in the relationship helps with household chores—doing dishes, taking out the trash, generally cleaning up—in exchange for sex. When put plainly, it’s easy to see how problematic this is, but Bri (and likely millions of other women around the world) seem to think is A-OK.
No, choreplay is not a love language. In the post in question, Bri claimed that her partner pulling his weight was actually an expression of his preferred love language and counted as an “act of service.” The fact that a dude putting in some effort to look after a house/apartment he also lives in is supposed to count as him doing her a favor or some kind of gift is absolutely ridiculous. It’s called being a mature adult and an equal partner. How is this not clear?!
It reinforces old stereotypes about cleaning being a woman’s job. The idea that guys who pitch in with housework are in some way lowering themselves in some way or going out of their way for their partners is sexist, outdated garbage. The fact that there are women who accept this and think it’s normal—or worse, really sweet—is infuriating and pretty mind-blowing.
It’s akin to treating women like prostitutes. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sex work—it’s a totally valid job and one that many women love, though the industry is hideously unregulated (though that’s a whole different story)—but I can’t imagine anything less sexy than sex being treated as a transaction by my partner. If my boyfriend thought that washing the dishes after dinner was a guarantee that he’d get laid that night, I’d run a mile. It’s objectifying and really awful.
Let’s cut the crap—doing things for your S.O. is called being a good partner. The bottom line here is that doing anything for your partner with an ulterior motive, be it wanting sex, a night out with the guys/girls, an expensive material gift, etc, is gross. If you’re a good partner, pitching in to make both of your lives easier is simply the bare minimum and something you do without thinking, not because you want something out of it. Ladies, we need to demand more. Guys, you need to get a grip (and if you have one already, please help your fellow dudes).
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