I Chose An Almost Boyfriend Over A Guy Who Wanted To Commit & I Regret It

I’d been single for three years when two guys entered my life at the same time. Of course. The guy I didn’t pick was really great, but I didn’t see it at the time and instead chose a dude who was a bit of an a-hole. If only I could go back and do things over again…

  1. I was dating a guy who wanted to be with me. I’d met a wonderful guy who was funny, smart, ambitious, and best of all really keen on dating me. He wasn’t giving me mixed messages or stringing me along like previous guys had. He was clear on our third date that he wanted us to be official. Yay!
  2. Then another guy turned up and caught my attention. Suddenly, a guy I’d been crushing hard over for months came back into my life and showed real interest. WTF? It’s like guys have radar for picking up when a woman’s getting closer to someone else and that’s when they swoop in. This crush and I had started out as us being Facebook friends and then moved to chatting via text. He was always fun to talk to and I was so attracted to him.
  3. I took a raincheck with the first guy. Things had been progressing nicely with the guy I was dating. He asked me out for our fourth date and I was into it, but then the other guy suggested we hang out and I didn’t know what to do. Ultimately, I felt that I had to see what could happen with the second guy, so I told the first guy that I was busy. That choice was going to have some major consequences that I didn’t see coming.
  4. The second guy bailed on me. Karma’s a bitch. I took the risk of deciding to see this guy instead of the first one and he stood me up! It was terrible. I waited and waited at a restaurant for him to come but he never met me. What the hell?
  5. He then showered me with an apology text. He later told me that he’d had a horrible day at work and that’s why he never turned up, but that was no excuse for leaving me stranded. He said he was really sorry and wanted to make it up to me. While I resisted his BS at first, eventually I found myself giving in. We made plans for the next night, which meant that I had to cancel with the first guy… again!
  6. I was taking the good guy for granted. It’s horrible, I know, but I didn’t realize at the time just how great that first guy was. I saw him as too nice and kinda boring, which now seems ludicrous to me. I also just expected him to wait around for me. Ugh, I cringe at how badly I treated him.
  7. The second guy was a bad boy. I guess I was intrigued by him and I loved the chase. We met for dinner and he was electric… but then he didn’t get in touch for days. I realized he was always going to be an almost boyfriend and nothing more than that.
  8. It finally hit home what I (could have) had with the first guy. He was stable and I could rely on him. He was sweet and made me feel like a queen when we went out on dates. He’d never leave me stranded at a restaurant or go AWOL for days. That was the type of guy who was real boyfriend material. I finally saw all his amazing qualities so I got in touch with him, asking him out on a date.
  9. He didn’t want to date me anymore. He said that he’d felt like something was just “off” with me. I’d taken a raincheck on two dates with him and it was clear that something was up. He didn’t feel it was right for us to continue dating because he just didn’t feel like he had my full attention. Nooo!
  10. I’d lost him. It killed me to think that he was turning away from me. Well, actually, what really killed me was the realization that I’d pushed him away. If I’d appreciated him when he’d been standing in front of me, opening his heart to me, I could’ve had an amazing relationship. Instead, I’d messed him around and wasted my time on some bad boy who was never going to commit to me.
  11. It was a huge wakeup call. It made me realize how important it is to be real with people and to appreciate them. The good guy doesn’t finish last in my eyes. He’s the winner from the start. But the thing about him is that he’s not going to wait around. He’ll walk away because he’s too good to waste his time on someone who isn’t worthy of him. I wasn’t worthy of such an amazing guy at that point in my life because I was all over the place, but the experience shook me up. I like to think I’m a better girlfriend these days because of it.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.