Clear Signs There’s No Chemistry Between You And You Need To Stop Trying

The concept of chemistry in the context of a relationship is a controversial one since relationship experts can’t seem to agree on a universal definition. Many people believe that it’s the connection two people share which can’t be explained or forced. It’s either there or it’s not, and sometimes it makes no sense. While chemistry isn’t important to everyone, some consider its absence a deal-breaker. Here are some signs there’s no chemistry between you and you need to move on.

  1. Conversations are painful. You know those people who, for whatever reason, are so difficult to talk to? Your conversations with them are plagued with painfully awkward silences and you don’t seem to understand what each other is saying. You end up just talking about the weather because you can’t find any topics that you both care about. And having to sit and talk to them feels like a chore. Well, those are people you don’t have any chemistry with. Awkward conversations can also be a symptom of anxiety too. But generally, if talking to your date is hard work and never gets easier, there’s probably no natural spark.
  2. Your ideas of fun are completely different. When two people have chemistry, there are certain things they do agree on. They definitely don’t have to agree on everything. But they usually like to pass the time in the same way. If your date suggests going to a club for your first date and you couldn’t think of anything worse, you have to ask whether you’re really connected at that level.
  3. Kissing feels weird. Sometimes, you can’t tell whether you’ve got chemistry with a person until you try kissing them. Locking lips can be totally revealing since sometimes you’ll have something amazing with the person you least expected to. Other times, you might think that you’re flowing really well with a person until you kiss them, and then it feels like you’re kissing a sibling. If kissing feels weird, it could be because there’s no chemistry—there aren’t many bigger signs than this.
  4. Time drags when you’re together. Hanging out with someone you share chemistry with does not feel like a chore. Actually, the time flies and you genuinely enjoy yourself. So this is a huge giveaway that you just don’t have it with someone. Do your dates feel like you’re back in a boring lesson at school? Do you find yourself looking at the clock every ten minutes, swearing an hour has passed? Then they’re probably not right for you.
  5. You don’t feel like you can be yourself. When you do share chemistry with someone, it is easier to be yourself. It’s much easier to talk about the things you really want to talk about and let your true personality shine. Obviously when you first meet anyone it can take a while for the real you to come out. But usually, there’s a sense of acceptance coming from them. So you aren’t afraid to show them who you are. By contrast, dating someone you don’t share chemistry with often involves putting on an act to make them like you.
  6. Looking into their eyes gives you nothing. Eye contact can be very powerful. Typically, looking directly into someone’s eyes can lead to a range of positive and negative feelings. It’s a sign that you don’t have any chemistry with someone if you gaze into their eyes and feel nothing. You don’t have to feel love at the beginning, but you should pick up something. Often when you have chemistry, you’ll feel comfort or even excitement by looking into their eyes. And you’ll probably feel a desire to get to know them better. If you don’t have any chemistry, you’re likely to feel nada.
  7. You don’t agree on much. As mentioned, you don’t have to agree on every single thing in order to have chemistry with someone. In fact, differences can actually connect you because you’re able to fill in each other’s missing pieces. But there are some things you should agree on. Why? It’s very hard to naturally fit well with someone if you don’t share any of the same views. Typically, you should agree on things like your personal values and your definition of happiness, not what football team is the best.
  8. Everything feels hard and forced. Generally, you’ll just have a gut feeling when you’ve got no chemistry with someone, and this is one of the major signs you’re wasting your time. There will just be the sense that things feel like they take a lot of hard work and effort, rather than fitting together naturally. In a jigsaw puzzle, if a piece doesn’t fit, then it doesn’t fit. No amount of jamming or molding will make it fit. Relationships are the same. If you have to bend over backward to make a relationship work, it’s probably not the right fit.
Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.