Closure Is Overrated, So Stop Insisting On Finding It With Your Ex

While the idea that you need to “find closure” with your ex before you can move on with your life is a popular one, it’s actually an incredibly overrated one. Here’s why you really don’t need it:

  1. Time’s the best healer, not BS conversation with your ex. You’d like to think that just one more good talk with your former boyfriend will make you feel better about the situation, but it usually just throws salt in the wound. It’s hard, but time away from each other will do the trick just as well, if not better, than a “closure talk.”
  2. You’re not owed closure. You might think that final talk is what you need, but your ex has to be a willing participant, as well, and that’s not always the case. It sucks, but everyone has the right to handle a breakup in their own way. If he’s truly done with you and the relationship, then he doesn’t owe you a reason or conversation about it, no matter how much you want it.
  3. Sometimes it does more harm than good. Rehashing a bad relationship can easily turn ugly. Instead of getting to the bottom of what went wrong in an objective way, it can turn into a blame game and all out screaming match. Or, if you do get your answers, you may not necessarily like them, so be careful what you wish for.
  4. Not every guy will tell you the truth, anyway. The one way to get closure is true honesty, and that’s hard to come by. Even if the relationship is over, your ex might lie just so he doesn’t feel like the bad guy in the end. That’s a complete waste of time, and you don’t need it.
  5. The longer you focus on your past relationship, the longer it takes to move on. Sometimes the need for closure isn’t truly about figuring out the end of the relationship. It’s just another way to hold on to what is now gone. Of course you should take time to mourn, but that should have nothing to do with lack of closure. Let it go so you can get on with life.
  6. The best lessons you learn come from looking within. You’d like to think that your ex can say the magic words that will open your eyes and help you see what you couldn’t before, but sometimes stepping away from a situation and person completely will help you see that on your own. You don’t need anyone else to do that work for you.
  7. In the end, sometimes things just don’t work out. Not everything happens for a reason. There isn’t someone at fault for every broken relationship. Sometimes things just don’t work, and although that may seem unsatisfying, it’s true. Going over every little detail of the relationship won’t always give you an answer that you’ve been looking for.
Nicole Weaver is a staff writer for YourTango and regularly contributes to Hollywood, The Bolde, and Proud2BMe. She is a lover of all things entertainment meaning she spends most of her nights in New York binge watching television shows. Follow her on Twitter at @nikkibernice.