When It Comes To The Best Sex Of Your Life, It’s All About Attitude

When It Comes To The Best Sex Of Your Life, It’s All About Attitude ©iStock/nd3000

At some point in your sex life, you finally come to realize that it really does take “two to tango,” as they say. While your partner definitely plays a role in your sexual satisfaction, the person who plays an even bigger role is you. Specifically, it’s all about the attitude that you bring to the bedroom that makes all the difference in the world. Want to have the best sex of your life? Then here’s the attitude you need to not only embrace, but inject into every single romp you have:

  1. Get your head in the game. Here’s a little secret that you may or may not already know: If you’re not in the moment, you’re totally missing out. I realize that we all have a million things going on at all times, but the great sex, or more specifically, the BEST sex, is the sex on which you are focused. You can worry about your other stuff later.
  2. Make no apologies for what gets you off. When it comes to what gets people turned on, the list is never-ending. Some people really love butt sex, others liked to be pissed on, while there are those with fetishes that run anywhere from dressing up as a squirrel to nasolingus (getting aroused by sucking on someone’s nose). While some of these may make you cringe and wonder WTF is wrong with people, when it comes to sex and two consenting adults, it’s all good. Never feel shame or the need to apologize because of what arouses you and gets you all hot and bothered.
  3. DGAF about how you look. Does anyone look good in the 69 position? Probably not. When you allow your head to take over and wonder if your hair is mess or that maybe you’re sweating too much, then your focus isn’t where it’s supposed to be. DGAF about how you look and just go with it.
  4. Be able to laugh if there’s an awkward moment. Until my very last breath, I will stand by the fact that sex is funny. Just the sound of a penis going in and out of a wet vagina is kinda laugh-worthy. That being said, if someone lets out an accidental fart (which most of us have done, so you’re not alone) or something else happens that could make for an awkward moment, laugh and move the hell on. It takes one hell of a badass attitude to be able to laugh in the face of awkwardness, shrug it off, and not let it bother you.
  5. Realize your body is hot. So you have yourself one hell of a belly? Join the club. You have stretch marks for days? Cool; me too. You have a hairy patch on the back of your calf that you constantly accidentally miss while shaving and now it’s long enough to style into a bouffant? I’ll have t-shirts made and we’ll make it a legit club. In other words, your body is hot and we all have these silly little flaws that are actually quite charming. I mean, who doesn’t want a bouffant on the back of their leg?
  6. Take charge of your pleasure. There’s a reason why the Cowgirl position is so favored by ladies everywhere — because in this position we’re in control. We’re able to gyrate our clitoris against our partner’s pubic bone in a way that other positions don’t allow. It’s in this position that the only person you have to thank for your orgasm is yourself.
  7. Be the damn boss. One of the major components to having the best sex is not shying away from communicating with your partner. He’s not a psychic (or maybe he is, but I doubt it), so you need to tell him what’s up. You need to use your words, give direction, and if you feel like you’re being bossy, stop that! It’s not bossy to give your partner a verbal helping hand; it just means you’re the boss. You want to be the damn boss.
  8. Let go. Here’s a fun fact (because I love fun facts): The French refer to orgasms as “la petite mort,” which translates to “the little death.” The reason for this is because it’s during an orgasm that your body let’s go so much that a part of your brain actually shuts off so it can truly enjoy the experience. Awesome, right? So take a lesson from your brain, and just let go during sex. You’ll find that if you can do that and do so at a 100 percent, your sex life will truly benefit. Yes, even you can have the best sex, but you need to bring you A-game attitude to the party.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.