Confession: I’m So Focused On Impressing Guys That I Never Know If I’m Actually Into Them Or Not

Every time I meet a new, promising guy, I hope that he’s into me, even if I barely know anything about him. I get nervous and a bit insecure, as if what I have to offer isn’t amazing — and it has to stop. Instead of obsessing over whether or not these guys like me, I need to start focusing on why (or whether) I’m even into them in the first place.

  1. I’m immediately putting them on a pedestal. Instead of sitting back and enjoying myself while letting this guy win over my affections, I’m jumping right into allowing him to have the upper hand. When I worry about whether or not he likes me, it’s as if I’m giving him this power that he doesn’t deserve, especially not right off the bat. If I spend enough time with a guy to truly get to know him and he’s worthy of my affection, then it’s clear he likes me. Giving it to him before I even know if he’s deserving of it is just plain ridiculous.
  2. I’m assuming the worst. By worrying about whether or not he’s going to like me, I’m basically wading in insecure waters. And when I’m confident in who I am in every other aspect of my life, that’s just unnecessary. I’m basically tearing myself down in the dating process when I should be looking for a guy that’s worthy of my time, not acting as though I couldn’t possibly be worthy of his.
  3. I love me, so why wouldn’t he? I’m happy with the person I am. It may have taken me a long time to gain self-love, and it’ll always be a work in progress, but jumping to the conclusion that he doesn’t like me back is unproductive. If I can enjoy my own company, then why wouldn’t he?
  4. Cute guys make me stupid. Being unsure of myself because of a cute face is the trademark of idiocy. I let my nervousness get the best of me and when I really think I could like a guy, which is rare, I try too hard. I’m downright adorable, so in reality, he should be the one trying hard to win me over, not the other way around. Now that I’m aware of how moronic I’ve been, though, I can change it. I don’t have to let the adorable guy make me feel unworthy.
  5. I’m selling myself short. What I should really be thinking instead of whether or not he likes me how is how silly it is that he wouldn’t. I’m smart, funny, and interesting, so not only would it be his loss if he wasn’t into me, it would be his own downfall. If the guy I’m into can’t see how awesome I am, he’s clearly a fool. Which brings me to my next point…
  6. Most everyone I meet likes me, so if he doesn’t, he’s the one with the problem. Pretty much everyone that I spend a decent amount of time with ends up liking me as a person. It’s just inevitable. My guess is that every guy I go out with is judging me hard on my looks, my voice, how I talk… but that doesn’t mean I have to just assume that they’ve come to negative conclusions. So far in my life, most people see nothing but positive when they get to know me.
  7. What made this guy so worthy of my doubt? Instead of judging myself and thinking about what I have to offer, I should be looking to see what he brings to the table. Sure, I’m looking for a boyfriend I can spoil like crazy, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t pick one that has just as much to offer as I do. Seeing this guy as some sort of god looking down on a peasant—me—is utterly backwards and it stops now.
  8. I know what I have to offer is great. What I don’t know is what HE has to offer. It takes time to get to know a person, and since I already know that I’ve got all the cards to be a great girlfriend to a guy that truly deserves it, I need to play my hand only when it’s warranted. I refuse to let him bluff me into thinking that he’s the one with the good hand.
  9. I won’t let insecurity rear its ugly head. I spent the better part of my life looking in the mirror and hating what I saw, or wanting to change a handful of things about myself because in my own eyes, I wasn’t good enough. Now that I know for a fact I am good enough to get everything I’ve ever wanted, I’m not going to let those juvenile insecurities creep back in — especially not for a guy who’s too blind to see what a catch I am.
  10. If he’s not into me, why the hell should I care? Who the hell is this guy anyway? The only people I should care about liking me are the ones I love so I won’t be spending anymore time wondering after a first date whether or not the feelings are mutual. Screw that, I have better things to do.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.