Confession: I Get Offended When My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Have Sex

In our society, there’s a popular misconception that guys are always ready and willing when it comes to sex, never passing up an opportunity to get laid. That’s why it came as a shock and disappointment the first time I was horny and my boyfriend wasn’t. I know that sometimes people just aren’t in the mood but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it still kinda sucks.

  1. I turn into an immature baby. Instead of being understanding and respecting his wishes, I turn into a pouty 2-year-old. I stomp my feet and remain upset for a while. He’s left confused and hurt while I’m not able to screw my head on straight enough to meet him where he’s at. I know I need to grow up and get a grip but I can’t help myself.
  2. It feels personal even though it isn’t. I get offended because I feel like him being uninterested is a personal slight, like he just isn’t attracted to me or he isn’t interested in sex with me ever. I can be a drama queen. My mind goes to the darkest possible places and plays down there. I have to get better at accepting that it’s just how he’s feeling and it isn’t a reflection of his love or attraction to me.
  3. I know my feelings are irrational. I’m embarrassed to even be sharing this because I know it’s totally unreasonable. It’s just my knee-jerk reaction, I’m working on having a healthier reaction. In the meantime, at least I’m aware that my feelings are over the top and don’t accurately reflect reality. I don’t have my head in the sand by thinking that how I’m feeling is appropriate.
  4. By acknowledging how I feel, I can start to change it. These feelings that I have are there. I can’t un-have them or make them any different. It’s important to validate my own feelings and to know that they’re OK. From there, I can do something different with myself instead of freaking out and taking offense to everything my partner says.
  5. It doesn’t help that I have a wildly high sex drive. My sex drive is much higher than my boyfriend’s, so that leaves us with a gap. I just have an unusually high sex drive. This means that often when I want to have sex, he doesn’t want to. I’m then left unsatisfied and unhappy because I’m raring to go. There isn’t much of anything we can do about the discrepancy except meet in the middle.
  6. I know logically that it’s OK that he doesn’t want it all the time. If the tables were turned, I’d totally expect him to have patience, love, and tolerance with me. I’d expect him to be calm and not to act like a child. It’s easier to have a clear mind about it when I’m reversing the tables. When I’m looking at it this way, I can see that it’s totally OK that he’s not up for sex all the time. He’s allowed to say no without me acting mad.
  7. I know I’m being insensitive. I’m not just saying that I get offended without the knowledge that I’m being unreasonable. I know that I’m ignoring his feelings as a human being. I’m aware that I’m being insensitive to his needs. None of this is news to me. All I can do is be honest about how I’m feeling and continue to promise to grow.
  8. I’m working on changing.  As I’ve been saying, I have an awareness that the way I’ve been behaving and interpreting his “no” has been inappropriate and unfair. I know this. All I can do is to try and move on by acting in different ways and working with that mad mind of mine. I can bite my tongue when I need to and I can give him the space he’s requesting. I’m capable of change!
  9. We do still have sex regularly. It’s not like we never have sex. Now, that would be a problem worth stomping my feet over. Instead, we have sex pretty regularly. It’s just not as much as I want it to or when I want it to. Like I said, I’m working on meeting him in the middle rather than just demanding everything I want. Our sex is great. It’s healthy and loving and I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at