If He’s Sending You These Texts, Beware — He’s Going To Be A Controlling Partner

Sometimes it feels like a guy suddenly becomes controlling and possessive overnight, but it rarely happens that way. If you screen him for signs early on, you’ll see the red flags even when it comes to his texting habits. Here are 11 things he’ll do via text that point to him being controlling.

  1. He’s the king of multiple texts. He doesn’t just send you one text and wait for you to answer his question. He sends you about six before you’ve even had a chance to reply to the first one. While one or two of these essay-type texts can be sweet and show how enthusiastic he is about talking to you, they’re a bad sign if he’s constantly begging for your attention. If every time you see a new text from him, it’s a bunch of texts thrown at you in one go, it’s clear he’s desperate for a reply.
  2. He double-texts a lot. Disclaimer: we’ve all been guilty of sending a double-text and often it’s NBD. That being said, if the guy’s always sending you double-texts, then it’s like he’s basically saying, “You’d better answer me!” It’s just way too much. Does he really think the texts aren’t going through to you? Nope. He just wants to make sure you answer him.
  3. He asks where you are. It’s normal for the guy you’ve started seeing to want to know where you are and what you’re doing during a lull in the texting conversation. However, it’s a sign that he’s controlling if he’s always checking in with “Where are you?” texts. It’s like you have to keep him informed of all your whereabouts.
  4. He calls if you don’t answer his texts. He sends you a text. You don’t see it. 10 minutes later, he phones you because you never replied. Whoa, this guy’s too intense. He might give you an excuse for the call, like that he thought his message didn’t reach you or he hoped you didn’t take its subject matter in the wrong way, but if he’s controlling then he needs to talk to you right now because he always needs to get his way.
  5. He moves onto social media. He might not call you, but he hates it when you don’t reply to his texts ASAP so he’ll head over to your social media accounts and message you on there. Stalker alert! This is especially concerning if he doesn’t even know you that well. It’s not cool to slide into your DMs like that and demand you answer him. Who does he think he is?
  6. He offers to swing by. You tell him you’re out with your girlfriends, having some drinks at a bar. His response is that he could come over and hang out with all of you. While you might think, “Sweet, he just can’t wait to see me,” if he’s always trying to crash your social outings with other people, it could be because he’s worried about what you’re going to be getting up to.
  7. He texts when he knows you’re busy. You told him you were going to have a really busy day at work, but then he texts you not just once, but multiple times. He might even need your help with something urgent. Can’t he ask someone else for help? He knows you’re busy! But the controlling guy is not only desperate for your attention, he always wants you to follow him and do what he needs to do.
  8. He sent you tons of texts when you first met. You met him and hit it off, then he started sending you lots of texts. At first, this was fantastic because it was so nice to finally meet a guy who wanted to talk to you often and initiated contact. But after a while, when more controlling texts started to come, it became clear that he comes on strong with love and affection because it’s all part of his plan to control others.
  9. He checks that you’re “safe.” It’s sweet when a guy checks that you made it home safe after a date. But a controlling guy will always do this and more. He might start requesting that you text him every time you get home after your date with him or whenever you get home from work. If you don’t, he might go ahead and text you or get mad that you didn’t follow his instructions.
  10. He plays games with you. Sometimes you can’t help it: something comes up and you have to cancel your date at the last minute. A controlling guy will do this when it’s convenient for him. For example, if you recently canceled on him, he might now cancel on you. He might also do this with texting habits. For example, if you’ve taken long to reply to his messages, he might start dishing out the same behavior. It’s all about having the upper hand and making you need him.
  11. He asks for pics of youYou told him you’re going out with your friends and he requested a pic to see how you look. Sweet, huh? Well, maybe not. He might be doing that to see how you’re dressed so he can criticize your appearance. He might say, “Isn’t your hair too red?” or “Your dress is way too short!” Ugh. Whenever a guy starts telling you how to look and dress, it’s time to bounce him out of your life immediately. His controlling tendencies are just going to get worse. 
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.