Do you find yourself staring aimlessly at a blank phone screen waiting for him to call, rolling your eyes because deep down inside you know that he’s playing the blow you off game? What about the anxiety of getting dressed at night before your big date, knowing that you look bomb, only to get a half-hearted “meh” when meeting him for dinner? Screw that. Here are 10 indicators that you’re wasting your time trying to convince him you’re clearly amazing:
THE WORD ‘COURTESY’ ISN’T IN HIS VOCABULARY. Think you had a great date night and you’re just waiting for that goodnight phone call—or hell, even a lazy text message—and don’t get it? There’s the biggest sign that he’s more apathetic than energetic about your budding relationship. And if he can’t even fake it through the first six months, what do you think it’s going to be like six years from now?
THE CHIVALRY IS GONE. It might not have been there in the first place, and that’s just a sign of the times, but unless you’re 100% honest with yourself that you’re okay with pulling out your own chair, opening the door yourself, and picking up your portion of the check without a simple offer from Sir Lancelot, then chances are, he doesn’t even respect you enough to make the gesture.
WHAT ORGASM? If his idea of finding the g-spot is poking around clumsily while sitting on a questionable-smelling sofa, channel-surfing in semi-darkness, chances are he’s not the most generous lover — and you know that you deserve better than that. Why give him the keys to the kingdom when he’s not worthy of dredging the moat?
YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE THAT YOU CAN DO BETTER. No, this isn’t a pep-talk to convince you of your self-worth, this is brute honesty. It’s also not for the faint of heart or for the full of pride: if you know in your heart that you’re wasting your time on a less-than-stellar companion because he’s a) hot, b) wealthy, or c) someone with whom to pass away the time, then you’re just cheating yourself. The most important self-reflection isn’t in the mirror: it comes from within.
THE TERM ‘GASLIGHTING’ IS A REAL THING. When you argue—if he even gets emotionally intimate enough to argue—do you walk away from the spat with 100% less confidence than when you went in? Do you feel violated after arguing like he completely dismissed your feelings? Guess what, girl: he probably did. Gaslighting is when someone projects their own issues onto you and you walk away, scratching your head, wondering what the hell happened and how it all ended up being your fault. Shame on you for having feelings, you know?
YOUR FRIENDS AREN’T ENTIRELY DUMB. Yeah, they might feel a little resentful of your newfound bliss or whatever, but if they’re the right kind of friends, then even if they’re a little pissed about being shunted off to the side for a few weeks or months, they still have your better interests at heart. If they’re all saying something is off, don’t simply brush it off and chalk it up to jealousy. Have a real sit-down with the ladies of your life and hash it out. A brand-new perspective just might be the thing you need.
YOU’RE MAKING ALL THE RIGHT MOVES—WHILE HE MAKES NONE. Are you initiating all of the dates? All of the nights in, orchestrating dinner and Netflix and sappy greeting cards that make you tear up not because they’re accurate but because you wish you had what they were talking about? Then he’s not worth it, friend. Love is a two way street, and anybody whoever said that it was 50/50 is wrong. If you’re only pouring half of yourself into a relationship—and your partner is doing the same—where’s the other half going? You both need to be giving 100 percent… and if you’re the only one doing that, then the balance of “power” is way off-kilter.
WALKING AWAY THE MORNING AFTER GIVES YOU MORE OF AN EMPTY FEELING THAN ANYTHING ELSE. We can’t say it enough: listen to your internal monologue. If you feel entirely hollowed out after a night that’s supposed to fill you up, guess where that effort is going: right into your partner’s black hole of emotional vaccu-suck. They don’t call them emotional vampires for nothing, you know, and master manipulators—i.e., the guy you’re dating if most of these resonate with you—take no prisoners. They just take all the feelings and horde them instead.
HE MAKES YOU FEEL LESS THAN YOUR BEST FOR BEING YOURSELF. You know what your strengths are. You know what your weaknesses are. If you’re letting some guy ignore your greatest attributes while harping on any cracks in the foundation—and girl, we have them all—then it’s high time to show him the door. If you can’t be yourself around him completely and unabashedly—goofy sense of humor, makeup-free, swinging from the trees wild—then all he’s trying to do is conform you to his sense of what suits him. Kurt Cobain said it best: wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. And it’s even worse when you’re wishing to be someone somebody else wants you to be.
YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE COMPROMISING. And compromising everything: your morals, your ethics, your personality, your relationships with other people, and worst of all, your sense of self. Has he changed in the days, weeks, months, or years that you’ve been together? Probably not. But you have, drastically—and you’re the last one to see it. You know that raw, guttural feeling you have in the pit of your stomach sometimes? That’s called “intuition” … and chances are, it’s never going to steer you wrong.