Being dubbed a homewrecker isn’t a good thing — and it’s not surprising why. People who brazenly interfere in someone’s relationship, most likely with the aim of ending it so they can be with one of them, are seen as malicious and outright pathetic, and I get it, but that’s not me. I did steal my friend’s boyfriend, but it’s not what it sounds like.
My friend started dating this cocky, player type.
He thought he was all that and a bag of chips and she was totally drawn to it. Truthfully, I couldn’t blame her. I was secretly drawn to him too, and that was kind of infuriating; he was fun as a friend, but feeling attracted to him felt like I was feeding into his swollen ego.
Our friends started to complain about him.
My friend and the guy had only been fooling around but, by about a month in, they were approaching dating territory. That was when our friends started to chime in, telling her that he was a jerk and definitely not worth her time. Although my friend wasn’t getting too attached and was just enjoying their steamy hookups, I didn’t hesitate to jump on the anti-player bandwagon.
I was hating because I was jealous.
It’s hard to admit but it’s true. She was fooling around with this decently good-looking, confident guy and my most recent no strings attached relationship had just dissolved. I wanted my best friend to be single again with me, and that greediness drove me to convince her to end it.
I took advantage of her trust in me to get my way.
Now, my BFF has plenty of friends, but we’re BEST friends. That means that my opinion means a lot to her and vice versa. When she came to me asking if she should cut things off with this guy, I told her she should without hesitation. I knew full-well that she would take my advice at face value and do it, and she did. Granted, he was a jerk and not worth too much of her time, but it still kind of ate me up inside that I did it with a little bit of jealous intent.
The guy stayed friendly with our group, myself included.
It had been a short, casual relationship, so no one felt weird when this dude stayed around. He and I would text regularly (I assumed we all did) and one day he caught me in a frustrating situation. We had a formal event coming up at school and my date had just gotten back together with his long-time girlfriend, so he ditched me. Embarrassed and angry, I told the guy what had happened. He immediately offered to escort me to the event and I accepted out of desperation. However, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little excited that he had offered so willingly.
I told my BFF about my new date in the worst way.
In my young, stupid mind, I thought the best way to tell my friend about my date would be to act straightforward and cavalier. I reasoned that if I acted like it was no big deal, it WOULD be no big deal.Needless to say, my friend didn’t react very well to the news — especially the off-the-cuff way in which I told her. She was visibly upset and we parted ways with me feeling like the scum of the earth. I had told her to stop fooling around with this guy and now a month later, I was going out with him. The situation wasn’t planned, of course, but I can recognize how crappy that was.
We ended up talking the situation through.
After a few days of her ignoring my texts and me giving her space, we finally sat down to chat. I apologized for everything, telling her my thought process for the way I told her and the whole situation with my date who bailed. And, being my best friend, she understood. She accepted my apology, apologized for her reaction (although it was completely called for), and gave me her blessing for the date.
The date got heated. In a sexy way.
Going into the date, I really didn’t know what to think or expect. We were going as friends, but deep down I think I wanted something scandalous to happen. Although it didn’t really go down that night, that was the beginning of a summer of hookups with this guy — the same guy I convinced my friend wasn’t worth her time. I’m pretty ashamed of it, but all it took was grinding to a couple of songs for me to want this guy. By the end of that night, we had already arranged to see each other the next week.
I started shamelessly hooking up with him.
Granted, we only fooled around a few times, but it didn’t make the situation any better. What’s worse? I started to wait for his texts, which of course never came. It took me a few months, with scattered hookups throughout, for me to finally realize that I’d gotten myself in worse than my best friend had. She had been smart enough to stay unattached but here I was, wondering when we’d go out next. The last time I saw him was at a party at his house. The realization that I was disgracing my friend and wasting my time struck me like a bolt of lighting, and I left the party without saying goodbye. That was a great feeling, but I’m not sure if it was enough to make up for the ridiculously hypocritical situation I had let myself fall into.
I learned my lesson.
The important thing is that, to this day, I’m still tight with my BFF. She’ll even be one of my bridesmaids when I marry my fiance! We didn’t let this guy — or my terrible judgment at the time — get between us, and I’m forever grateful for that.
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