Sex is an important part of every romantic relationship, and for good reason — it’s a physical way to express your deep love and devotion for your partner in ways that hugs, kisses and hand-holding just can’t (though those gestures of affection are pretty great too). The possibility for mind-blowing orgasms in addition to the intense emotional connection make intimacy in the bedroom even better, but there’s one thing in particular that couples who have amazing sex do that others don’t: they pay attention to each other.
According to a new study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the rush of rip-your-pants-off desire doesn’t have to fade just because you’ve been together for a while — it just requires a little attentiveness. There are plenty of long-term couples who regularly still enjoy incredible sex, and it’s all because they’re actually in tune with each other’s needs and desires.
As study author Gurit E. Birnbaum, PhD. said in an interview with Time, “People who perceive their partner as responsive believe that this partner understands and appreciates their needs, as well as reacts supportively to their goals.”
“Allow sufficient time to engage in mutual conversation and listen with an open mind — really listen, without interrupting or pre-judging or showing off. Then do one’s best to give the partner’s needs, wishes, and desires every bit as much importance, if not even more, than one’s own.”
In other words, if you want to keep the love alive, you just have to care enough to really read and respond to your partner’s signals, verbal or otherwise, of what they want and need in order to be satisfied sexually. If they’re willing to reciprocate that and you’re both on the same page, chances are your sex life is going to be crazy good for a long time to come.