Making the first move and telling that guy you can’t stop thinking about that you want to go out with him can seem scarier than engaging in hand-to-hand combat with a polar bear. You don’t have to keep waiting for him to read your mind and ask you out. Here’s how to work up the nerve to ask him out and kick off your romance story.
Plan it out but keep the pressure off. First of all, keep in mind there’s extraordinary or unusual about a woman doing the asking. Figure out what you want to do: dinner at a restuarant, coffee and a quick bite, see a movie, go to a concert, take a walk, or something. Stay within your budget. A first date should be light and be breezy. Go with a time, place, and activity that you can both enjoy.
Stop waiting for the perfect time and just do it. There’s no such as the right moment. It’s a construct and if you keep waiting for it to come around, you might end up missing out on so much. A special moment is what you make of it, so just pick any one you’re comfortable with and shoot your shot.
Bypass technology and ask him out in person. Sure, it might be a lot less awkward to ask him out over text, but don’t fall for that temptation. A lot can be lost in translation when texting. It’s best to do the asking when you’re face-to-face, that way you can really express yourself and get to see his reaction in real-time.
Make your intentions clear and specific. Saying “let’s hang out sometime” is not you asking him out on a date. He might think you mean a casual hangout. “I’ve got tickets to Coldplay’s concert this Saturday at 6 p.m., would you like to go with me?” is more direct and doesn’t leave things to chance. Clarity makes him less likely to misinterpret your intentions and you also come off looking confident.
Don’t let hypothetical scenarios get in the way. It’s in our nature to make up stories about how things could turn out. It helps us process issues and figure out our next moves. At the end of the day, they’re just made-up, not real life. Yes, you could end up falling in love and build an amazing life together. Or he might hurt you so badly you want to rip your heart out. You can’t predict how things turn out, but you can shape the present.
Leave an open-ended invitation. If you’re really nervous about asking him out and you need a way to save face, then you can leave some room for speculation. Ask him to go out with you for something that can pass for a date and a casual hangout. If it turns out that he’s not interested, you can both walk away without it being awkward.
Make peace with being nervous and uncomfortable. The fact that your heart rate goes up every time you think of asking him out doesn’t mean you’re coward. Putting yourself out there and being vulnerable is not a comfortable experience. It’s okay to be anxious. It doesn’t mean you lack the confidence to do it. The sweaty palms, stomach flutters, and pounding heart are all part of the deal. Push through them.
Don’t obsess over what to say. You’re not in the middle of a rom-com, so stop trying to figure out the perfect words to say. You don’t have to quote Shakespeare or say something grand. Don’t beat around the bush or backtrack. It’ll only make harder. Keep it simple and just go for it. If he wants to go out with you, whatever you end up saying will be enough to seal the deal.
Let your emotions guide you. Give in to what you’re feeling. Use the struggle, the nervousness, the stammers, the breathlessness, the stutters, the wacky humor, and everything else to deliver your message. Open up and say what’s in your heart and trust that something amazing could happen.
Remember how awesome you are. Remind yourself how much of a catch you are. You bring a lot to the table. You’re smart, attractive, fun, lovable and adored by your friends. Think of all the wonderful qualities that make up your amazing self. There’s not a person in the world you’re not good enough for.
Accept that rejection is a real possibility. It can be soul-crushing to even consider that he might turn you down, but rejection is a part of life. Whatever their reason might be for not wanting you back, it has nothing to do with you personally. It’s not an indication of your worth, it’s only about them. Whatever happens, the world will keep spinning. It’ll be okay. You’re not going to break in too. Someone else will come along and you’ll have an easier time asking them out.
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