Crazy Thoughts You Have When Your Ex Finds Someone New

You’re out getting coffee, minding your own business and feeling just fine, when all of a sudden your ex walks in with his new girlfriend clinging to him like glue. It’s disgusting. Honestly, what does she even see in him? What does he see in her? You know you should just let it go. After all, the relationship is over, but that nagging voice in the back of your mind kicks in and takes over. Let the crazy thoughts begin.

It’s okay. It’s not a rational thought process and it’ll be over soon. Just ride it out and don’t give in to the temptation to try and get him back or treat the new woman badly. He’s out of your life and even if you’re still friends with him, just let him move on with someone else and you do the same.

  1. “I want him back now.” While there are times when it’s okay to give your ex another chance, you might want to wait until he’s single. Seeing him with another woman makes you remember all the good times and you start to want him back. Remember, those good times went south quick.
  2. “I hope the sex is horrible.” Revenge is always an appealing thought, especially if it was a bad breakup. Why not hit him where it hurts? Wishing him and his new flame some of the worst sex ever is a great start. Who knows? Maybe you and the new girl might even hit it off and be able to laugh about how bad he is.
  3. “I’ll bet she’s a total bitch.” You were the perfect girlfriend, or at least that’s what you tell yourself. Since he let you go, he deserves to be punished. What better way to punish him than watching him date a major league bitch? Sit back and enjoy as she nags and yells at him over every little thing. Okay, so this might just play out in your mind and she’s actually a total sweetheart, but it’s still fun.
  4. “I hate her.” You don’t even know the woman, but you already hate her. Why? She has the man you no longer want to be with. See what I mean about irrational thoughts? Think about why you broke up to begin with and you might just pity her instead.
  5. “Who can I grab to be my fake boyfriend?” Nothing’s more awkward than meeting your ex and his new girlfriend when you’re still single. Obviously, you want to show him you’ve moved on first. The solution: grab any cute guy you can find, promise him a coffee date and show off your new fake boyfriend to your ex.
  6. “What’s so special about her?” This one is probably the worst when your ex finds someone new. You spend hours over analyzing every single detail about her and yourself. You’ve probably never looked at yourself so thoroughly. In the end, you realize it’s just not worth your time.
  7. “Now I’m completely free to move on.” If you parted on good terms, you might have been holding off on finding someone new yourself. You don’t want to hurt your ex if you’re still friends. Seeing him with someone else gives you the freedom to move on, completely guilt free.
  8. “Damn! He downgraded.” You always hope that the next woman your ex is with is an obvious downgrade from you. I know it sounds petty, but do you really want to see him with a super model that has a killer personality? No. Frankly, it doesn’t really matter what she’s like. You’ll still find some reason to say he downgraded.
  9. “One ass deserves another.” If you didn’t part on such good terms, you just automatically assume she’s as big of an ass as he is. It’s somehow satisfying knowing that he found someone just as bad as him. After all, maybe she’ll treat him the same way he treated you.
  10. “Is she hotter than me?” Don’t even try to stop the words from leaving your mouth. Any trusted friend, especially a guy friend, is already prepared to answer with a resounding, “No!” The new woman will leave you feeling inexplicably insecure for at least a few minutes. It’s just how it goes.
  11. “Why the hell did he move on so fast?” You’re still getting over the heartache, but he’s jumping into bed with someone else. WTF? Did he already know her before you? Is that why the relationship fell apart? Did he ever really love you? Sadly, this thought leads to a seemingly endless series of questions that’ll only make you angry. Text a friend and stop this madness now.
  12. “Did that jerk cheat on me with her?” Obviously, the last thought will lead to this one. He moved on pretty fast. Was he already with her? Is that why he wasn’t all that interested in sex near the end? Just skip the dark path. Remind yourself that it’s over and you don’t have to put up with his crap anymore.
  13. “I hope she crushes him.” If your ex broke your heart, you just want him to feel the same pain. It’s only fair, right? The sooner he’s crushed by the new girl he’s fawning over, the better. All you have to do is Facebook stalk him to see how quickly his relationship status goes from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated” until finally he’s back to being single.
  14. “Someone get me ice cream and Netflix, stat!” Sometimes you just need a pity party with a few of your closest friends. It doesn’t matter how you felt about him after the breakup – seeing him with someone new is that final reminder that that part of your life is over. He’s moved on and it’s time for you to do the same.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.