Who Says You Have To Date Just Because You’re Single? If You Like Rolling Solo, Do You

Don’t you hate it when people expect you to be going out constantly and signing up to dating apps because you’re single? It’s such a silly misconception that you have to be searching for a partner. If you’re happy alone, why not stay that way?

  1. Most single women aren’t actively dating. The 2016 annual relationship, marriage, and divorce survey by Avvo found that 60 percent of single women aren’t actively dating, compared to 43 percent of single men. If you’re single and not dating, you’re not alone! Clearly you know what all those smart women do: you don’t need a relationship.
  2. You have so much to fulfil you. Why go on dates and try to meet a man if you feel you’re overflowing with fulfilment as it is? Maybe you prioritize other things over being in a relationship, such as your career, passions, and creative dreams.
  3. You’re not defined by old-school rules. Gone are the days when getting married and having kids were seen as things to define what it meant to be a woman. That’s such BS. Nowadays, women are defining themselves in their own way.
  4. You have options. Not just when it comes to who you decide to date but also with what you decide to do with your life. You aren’t limited to certain roles or societal pressures. You can do anything you please.
  5. You just don’t want to. It’s a big myth that you don’t know how to date because you’re not putting yourself out there. Screw that. You know how to get dates and you get asked out a lot—you just don’t want to go on any. That’s the difference.
  6. You’re way too stuck in your ways. This might be seen as a bad thing but it doesn’t have to be. You know what works in your life and it works for you. You don’t want to shuffle things around to accommodate another person. What’s wrong with that?
  7. You don’t want to lose your independence. It’s impossible to be in a healthy relationship if you want the freedom to do whatever you please because you’ll make choices that will affect your life and your partner’s. By not dating, you might sacrifice a satisfying relationship but you make up for it by being able to do something adventurous at the drop of a hat.
  8. You don’t want anything long-term. Just because you’re not dating doesn’t mean you’re not having sex. Maybe you just don’t want anything long-term because it doesn’t suit your needs. It doesn’t mean you can’t keep a relationship going—you just don’t want it once it starts to bore you.
  9. You don’t want to build a future around someone else. Too often, you’ve seen women allow men to choose their futures or you’ve seen how they’ve had to compromise on their wishes so that they could keep their relationships healthy. That’s not something you imagine yourself doing. You want to build an empire for yourself without being held back by a relationship.
  10. There’s a lot of crap out thereYou’re happy for your friends who’ve found great partners, but there’s also a lot of bad stuff out there in dating. If you were that interested in finding Mr. Right, you’d find a way to put up with it. You just don’t have that much interest in it, so why should you bother with all the dating dramas?
  11. You’re happy as-is. You’re single but you’re not spending nights alone or sitting around feeling sad. You’re really, honestly, genuinely happy with your life! You don’t need to search for a relationship to make you happy because you already are.
  12. You don’t need external validation. You really don’t care what society thinks of you and you certainly don’t need a partner to make you feel more worthy. So when people say, “But you’re so gorgeous—how are you single?” or, “You’re such an amazing person. It surprises me that you haven’t found a man,” the truth is that you haven’t found a man because you can’t figure out why you’d need him. You know your worth and you don’t need a partner to validate your good looks or amazing personality. They’re certainly not going to waste without him!
  13. A good relationship isn’t an achievement. Some women see a happy relationship as something they’ve achieved, but honestly it’s just something they’ve chosen. Yes, it takes effort to keep a relationship strong, but it’s not something that women should feel they’ve earned, like a university degree or owning their own company. You know this, which has enabled you to destroy the idea that a relationship or marriage is tied to self-worth and happiness.
  14. You’re not lonely. Even if you choose to be alone most of the time and say no to all the social invitations you get, and all the dates that ask you out, you’re still not a lonely single woman. You just love being on your own. You don’t feel like you need someone to come along and keep you company, and entering a relationship so that you’re not alone is the worst thing you could do. It’s probably why so many people end up settling. You just weren’t born with a “settle” button!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.