I Date For Fun, Not To Find My Future Husband—And You Should Too

When my first real long-term boyfriend dumped me, he said it was because we wanted different things: I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get married and have kids and he was. So many people my age only date people that they think they would marry one day but I’m more about having fun—here’s why.

I’m still young. 

These are the years I should be learning how to date, not settling down. It’s better to make all the dating mistakes while I’m young! I want to have fun while I still have the time and energy. I have the rest of my life to be serious and the last thing I want to think about right now is settling down.

I have bigger things to focus on. 

I am and have always been very career-oriented. Getting an education and a career I love comes first to me. I guarantee you can find greater goals to achieve than marriage. One of my biggest fears is choosing a relationship over a killer career that I’m passionate about and I refuse to ever let that happen to myself. I don’t want to focus on getting married until I’ve already created the life I want to live.

I don’t want to settle.

So many people feel like marriage is a must, and they end up settling because they’re afraid they won’t find “The One.” I don’t want to end up in an unhappy marriage because I was too afraid to be alone. If I do find someone I want to spend my life with, then I can feel secure in the fact that I’m not doing it for the sake of being married but because I genuinely love them.

It’s a learning experience.

The best way to learn is to make mistakes, and that includes dating people who aren’t right for you. When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to be blinded by that person. Sometimes you don’t realize what you want or don’t want until you see that in another person. Right now I’m learning what works best for me in love. When I do decide to settle down, I’ll know exactly what I want and need in a partner.

You find love when you aren’t looking for it.

I know it’s cliche but I believe it. I don’t want to be constantly looking for a relationship and feeling frustrated all the time when I don’t find it. That kind of behavior can bring out the worst in people. I truly believe that if there’s a person out there that I’m meant to be with, they’ll come to me at the right time.

I value my independence.

One of my greatest fears is that I’ll end up having to depend on someone. I never want to feel like I couldn’t survive on my own. I’m at a point in my life where I have the opportunity to be more independent than ever. I know I have to option to settle down later in life but I’d like to be on my own while I still can. Also, independence is a quality that will make my future relationships even stronger.

I’d rather let the universe decide. 

People come into our lives and leave them for a reason. More often than not, it’s to teach us a lesson. If you start every relationship with the expectation or hope of it leading to marriage, you’ll only be disappointed if it doesn’t happen. I try to appreciate the people in my life for the lessons they’re here to teach me. I gain so much more from my failed relationships than I would if I was only focused on getting married.

We’re all still figuring it out

Like it or not, some people just don’t know what they’re looking for. I don’t want to miss out on knowing a great person because they don’t want the same things I do right now. I’m still young and not sure what I want in life. I can’t expect people my age to know exactly what they want either. I’d rather not make the mistake of settling for something I don’t want until I’m totally sure of what I’m looking for.

I know my own worth. 

Whether I end up getting married or not, I’m confident in who I am. I refuse to define my worth by whether or not I have a husband. By putting my values on other things like my career and health, I’ll never feel inferior for having a relationship that didn’t work out. Regardless of the path in life I take, I can be proud of my accomplishments.

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