Date Yourself Instead Of A Man—You Can Give Yourself Everything You Think You Need From A Boyfriend

Dust off that list you had of the qualities and behaviors you want in your Perfect Man, and re-read it. Who says you can’t give yourself all of those things? Seriously, you don’t need a man to make you happy or give you an amazing life. Here are 12 important reasons why.

  1. You complete you. Forget the idea that a man has to strut into your life and complete you. That’s such BS, and quite frankly it’s insulting to think that women are incomplete, waiting for someone to be their missing puzzle piece. You’re the full puzzle right now, just as you are!
  2. You have the power. You might always moan to your girlfriends about how you can’t find a decent guy and you’re not even asking for a lot. You want the relationship basics, like respect and loyalty, right? Well, guess what? Those things are not impossible to achieve without a man – you can give them to yourself right now without having to wait for a partner to give them to you. Respect yourself and be loyal to your needs. It’s so damn empowering to take control of what you want and give it to yourself.
  3. A man can make you lazy. If you’re waiting for a guy to come around and make your life better, it’s making you lazy AF, preventing you from building the amazing life you can have right now as a single woman.
  4. You can take control of your happiness. Another downside to waiting for a guy to fulfill you is that you end up putting your happiness into his hands, over and over again. Sure, a great boyfriend might make you happy on a daily basis, but if you don’t make yourself happy it’ll never hit the sweet spot. Ever.
  5. You can have great sex without a boyfriend. One of the reasons you might think you need a man is to have earth-shattering sex. Again, no. You can have some awesome sex if you want it – with or without a man! Best of all, flying solo will give you the pleasures you really want every single time.
  6. You can have romance. Yes, really. Take yourself to dinner, spoil yourself with gifts, write yourself a love letter, treat yourself to a day at the spa. Do all the things that make you feel special. That’s really what romance boils down to. It’s not about having someone’s hand to hold during a walk through nature or opening a beautiful gift on Christmas. It’s about the feeling of love behind those actions. Give it to yourself!
  7. You can go the extra mile with yourself. You’ll not only give yourself respect and great sex by being your own boyfriend, but you can go the extra mile by giving yourself things that a man will never be able to give you. An example is self-esteem. Sure, he’ll make you feel good about yourself, like when he’s romancing you, but that’s short-lived. By working on your self-esteem and self-love, you’ll make it last forever.
  8. You’ve already got love inside you. If you’re so desperate to find love outside of yourself, you’re probably chasing the idea rather than the thing itself. The idea sometimes tends to be that love is this perfect state of bliss that makes you become the best version of yourself. Yes, love is amazing, but it’s not something you should be striving for or killing yourself to achieve with someone else. You have it right inside you and when you realize that, you won’t want it so badly from other people. Which, as a bonus, improves your game.
  9. You don’t need men to fit the boyfriend role. You can make amazing connections with men, such as by being their friends (or booty calls if you want). You really don’t have to make men your boyfriends. In fact, that seems really unnecessary when you’re a self-assured, independent woman with her act together.
  10. By loving yourself, you prevent living a life you hate. If you make it your mission to find love and fulfillment from a romantic relationship, you have to live with the consequences – that means putting up with all the things you don’t want in your life, like the guy’s drama and problems. It’s not always a good compromise and can make you lose yourself. Loving yourself won’t make you do that.
  11. The great guy might be rare, but love isn’t. Don’t think that love is going extinct – it’s all over your life if you take a closer look. So instead of feeling bad because you can’t seem to find a great guy, feel good that you can feel love right this second.
  12. Your life isn’t a waiting room. When you love yourself and make yourself happy, you create the life you really want. Your realize that your life’s not a waiting room or stuck on the pause button. You’re not waiting for someone else to come and give your life meaning – you’re creating that meaning and purpose for yourself every day. You can give yourself the life you really want right now, no excuses and no man required.


Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.