I Dated 3 Guys At Once And Here’s What I Learned About Modern Dating

Given how impossible it can be to find a guy worth dating these days, I decided to triple my chances by dating three guys at once. I learned pretty quickly how to juggle multiple relationships, and while it wasn’t easy, it certainly taught me a lot about modern dating.

  1. Guys really do respond to “the chase.” Not giving a guy 100% of your attention on a day-to-day basis is surprisingly the best way to get him interested. When you’re busy living your best life and dating three guys at once, it’s easy to get caught up and not text back right away. Both men and women can smell desperation a mile away, so playing the field is your best bet. It was certainly mine. I realized that if a guy really wants me, he’ll pursue me. Dudes really do love the chase.
  2. Most of them probably aren’t just dating you. With the obscene amount of dating apps in the world today, it’d be silly to assume the guy we’re dating is only dating us. Women should able to date multiple guys at one time too. It shouldn’t be taboo for us to check out multiple options when guys do it all the time. Obviously, once you hit it off with one guy in particular and decide to be exclusive, both people should stick to that, but until then, it’s anyone’s game.
  3. Guys are more like women than we think. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, right? Eh, not necessarily. Guys need the same attention, time, and energy that you do. They also need reassurance that you’re going to be there when they need you. They like to be kept in the loop of what you’re doing throughout the day too. See? They’re not such different creatures after all.
  4. Most guys don’t want to have sex on the first date. Regardless of what women are led to believe, most guys don’t want to bang you immediately after the first date. They may have the desire to sleep with you right away, but a lot of them would rather wait. Shocking, but it’s the truth. They want the experience to mean something just like we do. Plus, they tend to appreciate when you make them wait.
  5. Not all guys are total a-holes. The number of memes that make guys out to be evil, selfish losers is only slightly true. Many of them are totally decent dudes who want the same thing we do: a committed relationship with an equal partner. It’s also best to be totally honest with them, especially if they ask about your dating life. They’ll respect you for telling the truth and if they really want to be with you, they’ll make it known. They want you to pick them, so let them work.
  6. You should be exactly the same person around guys as you are on your own. Nothing is more irritating than when you act one way with your friends and a totally different way with a guy you’re dating. Dating three guys at once made it easy to be me because it was so time-consuming that I didn’t have the chance to even think of pretending to be something I wasn’t. I still have the same weird sense of humor with or without them, and so should you.
  7. Texting is becoming obsolete. I learned that texting should only be reserved for confirming and planning dates and the occasional flirting. Getting to know someone via texting is fine, but make sure you hold off on some of the more personal things for the dates, otherwise, things could get pretty awkward when you realize you have nothing to talk about.  When I texted the three guys I was seeing, I kept it light and fun and the conversation flowed when we actually hung out.
  8. Dating is a process and it takes time. When I started dating multiple guys simultaneously, it took tremendous pressure off me to push for the relationships to move fast. I let the relationships play out the way they were supposed to instead of worrying and complicating it. It also makes it easier to walk away from one of them if they don’t meet my standards or annoy me. You’d do well to adopt the same attitude—trust me.
  9. Offering to pay really does pay off. When you’re on a date with someone, offer to go dutch or at least cover the tip. When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s a team effort. It also shows that you can take care of yourself and aren’t just going out with a guy because you want a free meal/drinks. Yes, it’s nice to be treated, but expecting him to do it is completely different.
  10. First dates should be quick and noncommittal. Going on an extravagant first date is for the birds. There’s no need to do dinner and a movie and after movie drinks. First dates should be coffee dates or one drink at a bar or even a lunch. It should be casual and kind of like an audition to see if there’s anything there. My rule of thumb now is if I don’t find the guy attractive and fun in the first few minutes, I don’t want to waste my entire evening with him. One drink is much faster than suffering through a dinner or movie. Why waste your time or his?
28-year-young writer with a love for reality TV, boy bands, Tinder, and being the most bad ass single lady on the East Coast.